A Faile/Egwene post unlike any other (NGFT)

by Dylanfanatic

A WoTization of The Vagina Monologues:

Faile: I'm just going to ask you a few questions and just answer whatever you feel comfortable answering. Don't go any further than you feel like going and if you want to add something later on to a question I've asked you, that's fine too.

When was the first time you saw it?

Egwene:You know, it was sort of like an accidental thing. There was like a mirror on the floor, and I walked up and I was like, what, what was that? I have to go home and do some research. I didn't look at myself 'til probably just before I went before the Women's Council in Emond's Field. I don't even say the word in my naughty Dreamings of Gawyn. And I went near the Women's Council meeting, I'm sneaking around there, weaving a ward, and you know, like pretending that I was just adjusting my dress. And then one of them was talking to one of those Conger girls, that it's like, "Admire it, it's a beautiful flower, you know, it's like roses." And I'm like, we're not looking at the same thing. I weaved Air and Fire to engrave images of it. I knew an instant engraving Weave and I would go to the Two Rivers privy and make an engraving of it.

Faile:Are you embarrassed by this?

Egwene:Yes. All those things are kind of like secret, you know? And it's not for, you know, Rand al'Thor and Mat Cauthon. It's like your own little joy. I realized there was no context in which WoT women ever talk about their vaginas. So, I just started casually saying to friends of mine, "What do you think about your vagina?" And over the course of 11 WoT novels, or three years (21 in dog years), I interviewed dozens of WoT women, from scullery maids with whom I slaved over Laras' pits to royalty like that hot, latently bisexual Elayne (what a minx!), to everyday, garden-variety Aes Sedai.

Faile: How does it feel to be talking about it?

Egwene:Very strange. I think it's liberating, but it's kind of funny too. Anxious, kind of nervous. Not really sure of what I'm gonna say. I really thought it was gonna be like, uncomfortable, like how blue silk slashed with cream WoT bikini can be when you're at the beach, but it's not. You make it kind of easy. And everything every woman said (besides calling the WoT men pigs and dolts and woolheads) was more surprising, outrageous, disturbing, and exciting than the next. And one woman would say to me, "Oh, you really need to talk to so and so about her ageless-looking vagina, she has an amazing story, even for an Aes Sedai!" And before I knew it, I was really sucked down this WoT vagina trail, and I couldn't get back! And I've been on the trail for a long time and I don't think I'm getting off it any time soon. Everything on the wall, all of these were gifts or One Power engravings or things that have found me or have been given to me as I travelled around the world. Well, first I'd like to introduce Vagina Ter'angreal, complete with duck lips, that Elayne made after her experiences with the Rod of Pleasure in PoD. A lovely...vagina candle. This WoT salad here...that's a WoT vagina salad. This is a WoT Vulva puppet that can actually talk, sniff, and tug its own braids at those silly men! There's a whole world of WoT vagina life out there, which I find thrilling, since only those of Rand's trio and Mat's hussies are given any screen time in the series. *sniff, braid tug*

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I'll just leave it at that - and yes, I was looking at an online script for the original when I altered it for WoT purposes. Hope this was a more refreshing Egwene/Faile post than most in recent years and that nobody will take offense at my poor attempt to get some to chuckle.