AMoL Ch. 29: How Mat to the Tower of Ghenjei Came
by Paetram
[Two weeks have gone by. Mat and his excessive entourage, including nine hundred horses, five dozen donkeys, twelve raken, a grolm, and Crackers the talking parrot, weary from their endless search for the fabled Tower of Ghenjei, scout a Whitecloak camp to the west. Foolishly, yet in desperate need, Mat rushes to meet them.]
Mat: What news?
Whitecloak Leader: Hello. Maybe you can help us. We need to find some witches. Would you happen to know where we could find any nearby? We mean to ally ourselves with them. We will pay you generously for your services.
Mat: Well, I don't know...
Whitecloak Leader: We will of course hang them all afterwards...
Mat: Oh, you must mean Egwene al'Vere! I will lead you to her, and no doubt the rest of her annoying companions, but first you must help us find the lost Tower of Ghenjei. Do know know where it is?
Whitecloak Leader: No, but we can lead you to someone who might. We met this mysterious cloaked and hooded figure a few days ago who mentioned this Tower of yours.
Mat: Let's get going then. Once we rescue another of your witches, you can have her, too.
[They immediately set off to find the cloaked figure. A few hours later, they come across a small disheveled hut. Inside a cloaked figure huddles over a fire.]
Mat: Have you ever seen a gleaming metal Tower hereabouts? Someone has fallen into it and we need to yank her back out, or something like that. For the life of me I can't see why I shouldn't just leave her in there, but there you go.
Cloaked Figure: [after a long pause, it suddenly begins speaking in a harsh whisper] Your quest shall take you across the Waste Lands, where three companions drawn from other worlds will join you...
Mat: No, no, that's the wrong Tower. We're not looking for that one. The one we want is metal, no doors, and a flaming Aes Sedai is stuck inside.
Cloaked Figure: Oh, in that case... [again speaking in a whisper] Surrounded by three mountain ridges, cloaked in the evil of that place and watched over by the baleful eye of its Dark Lord, stands the forbidden tower of...
Mat: Aren't you listening to me? This tower's metal, and it bloody well better not be that far away, or your bloody Aes Sedai, Thom, can...
Cloaked Figure: See that road? Follow it three hours due north. Can't miss it.
Mat: Off we go to certain doom... [behind them the cloaked figure chuckles evilly]
[Mat and company reach the former site of the Tower of Ghenjei.]
Thom: Uh, Mat, it's not here. There's just this big hole in the ground. Maybe someone moved it...?
Whitecloak Leader: Can we have our witch, now?
Mat: No, you bloody well can't. Vanin, where did it go?
Vanin: There's a trail Mat. I gather whoever carried it off is bloody flaming ashes strong.
Mat: Off we go again to certain doom...
[After following the trail for several hours, they spy a gleam twinkling in the distance.]
Thom: Someone's making off with my sweetheart... I mean, someone's carrying away the Tower! After them!
Mat: Hey you, we need that!
Cloaked Figure: You will have to take it from me, first. [setting the Tower gently on the ground, the figure takes off its cloak, revealing itself to be the gholam!]
Mat: Oh, never mind, sir, you can just have it. Be on your way, then.
Thom: Mat!
Gholam: [laughing] Come get your Aes Sedai, pitiful human.
Mat: [taking out his foxhead medallion while mumbling to himself] I'm a bloody fool.
Gholam: [slowly backing away from Mat] What is that thing, anyway?
Mat: See for yourself, catch! [throws the medallion at the gholam]
Gholam: No! [in its haste to get away from the medallion, the gholam knocks the tower over, and it falls on him with a loud squishing sound]
Mat: Ouch. And the dice come through once again.
[The tower slowly begins to roll down the hill.]
Thom: [nervously, to Moiraine inside the Tower] Hold on in there, love muffin, we're coming! I hope she's alright...
Whitecloak Leader: You'd better produce some witches soon. The men are getting restless.
Mat: Everyone, after that Tower!