The Epic Saga of the Chosen One. Part 2
by Cannoli
Being a continuation of the tale of how the Chosen One saved the world, with very little help from anyone else. Compiled by the remnants of the White Tower's Committee of Public Information, or at least those who survived the penalty for blighting the deeds of the Chosen One with insufficient praise.
2. And so the Fellowship of the Chosen entered into the Ways, inspired by the Chosen One's suggestion. And the big Tree-Man who hung around the Troublemakers was sore afraid, for he had but little experience of the sanctity of the Chosen One's protection, and to assuage his fears, the Chosen One allowed him to guide them through the Ways, though she knew which way to go. And they were nearly caught at the locked gate, but the Chosen One placed power into the Prophet's staff, and the Staff rose to cut a hole in the Waygate that had vexed the Prophet. And they did escape, because it was not yet the Chosen One's time to destroy Machin Shin. And her subtle hint to the Prophet that she might be made grateful for the Chosen One's aid went unnoticed, and received only a rebuke, for which offense the Chosen One put the Prophet on her List, verily.
And they went unto the Fortress of Fal Dara, which was on the verge of losing the war against the Shadow because they had no faith in the Chosen One. And to preserve the secret of the Chosen One's identity, the Prophet bespoke unto the Lord of Fal Dara and she made him think the Troublemakers were the ones who would save the world, though in truth they were only coming because they could not be trusted out of the Chosen One's sight. And it happened that while they were there, a pitiful wretch called Fain came into the Fortress seeking the Chosen One, whom he knew was the only One who could save him from his wretchedness. For yea, none could walk so long in the Shadow that the Chosen One could not bring him to the Light. And the Prophet was arrogant and believed she were the one who could help, and took the wretch aside and her bullying and arrogance made him angry and drove him deeper into his madness. And while this happened, the Lord of Fal Dara told them the tale of the Guardian of the Prophet, and the Chosen One was unimpressed (for yea, did not the Light cause Malkier to fall so that its king would be free to serve as Guardian of the Chosen One's Prophet? ), but the thought of such power made the false Wisdom smooth her skirts lustfully over her hips.
And they went into the Blight, and the beasts and vile flora harmed them not, but sulked out of sight of the Chosen One. And the false Wisdom, realizing that the Chosen One's patience with her was nearing its end, spake kindly unto the Troublemakers, offering them respect that they did not truly deserve, in hopes of having some friends left. And they found the Eye of the World, and the Green Man caused it to move far to the south of its usual place, rather than make the Chosen One travel any more than necessary. And they found that the Aes Sedai of the Age of Legends were foolish and stupid, for they had made the Eye out of saidin, which was useless to the Chosen One.
And they went out from the Eye in dismay, but the Forsaken came then, and taunted them. And the Guardian, and the false Wisdom and the Troublemakers were foolish and swept away. However, the Chosen One summoned the Green Man, and though he was a lame-ass plant-thing, she accepted his offered self-sacrifice and did imbue him with the power to consume Ba'althamel. And the Chosen One was wise, and knew the Dragon's heart was weak and fearful, so she stepped forward and hesitated in destroying Aginor until the Dragon's arrogance stirred and made him intervene to "save" the Chosen One. And then his arrogance vanished, and he fled like a little girly-man. And the Chosen sniffed at Aginor who also fled her. And the Dragon thought Aginor was pursuing, and fled the more rapidly. And Aginor struck down the Dragon, who had a strange dream, while the elderly Forsaken had a fatal coronary, thanks to the Chosen One's strategy of making him run. The Prophet had fallen in her weakness from trying to fight Aginor, and the Chosen One attended to her to make her well, with the false Wisdom only getting in the way a little bit. And the extraneous males went into the Eye of the World again and found some useless junk, which had nothing to do with the Chosen One. And the Dragon wandered up with a wild and false story which all, even the foolish Dragon & false Wisdom realized was a symptom of the sickness of channeling for the first time. And realizing that he was verily in denial, the Prophet invented excuses to convince him that he could channel. And verily, he was gullible and believed her ridiculous tale of magic coins and mysterious horses, as if the horse in question carrying the Chosen One was not explanation enough.
And they returned to Fal Dara, where the fool men babbled tales of miracles, but truly, the Chosen One had not been at their fool battle, so how important could it be? And the Dragon despaired, but the Chosen One comforted him, and the Prophet was pleased. For as she knew, if the Chosen One was taking an interest in him, how could he fail? Indeed, as she spake, "The Prophecies (would) be fulfilled..."
3. In those days the Chosen One and her entourage were residing in Fal Dara. The Amyrlin Seat heard, and came to pay homage to her, but she was afraid that the Aes Sedai, who felt short of the standard of being her, would blunder in their handling of the Dragon Reborn. And so the Chosen One undertook to hide him, in spite of irrelevant and pointless observations he made about her channeling and sense of moral decency. The first place she assumed he would be safe from capture, would be in the dungeon which was made to keep people from getting out. If the logic is not apparent to you, well, verily, you are not the Chosen One. Unfortunately, the wretch she had been converting back to the Light, Padan Fain was all too aware of the shortcomings of the Dragon, and upon seeing the foolish boy strutting about in noble’s clothing, while Fain, the favored of the Chosen One, moldered in a cell, he sunk deeper into the evil from which the Chosen One had nearly pulled him free. She did finally find the perfect hiding place for the Dragon, and returned to her task of redeeming the wretch Fain. Once again she was near to bringing him to her Light, but the Troublemaker called Mat blundered in, hoping to impress the Chosen One with his gambling skills, and didst leave the door open behind him, and Trollocs entered the fortress and caused great hue and cry, and Mat started in fear, and did knock the Chosen One’s head into the wall, so she did fall before she had a chance to know the treacherous Black Sisters who came to interfere with her patient. And all may see or hear these words and know truly, that it was none of the Chosen One’s fault that any daggers were lost, verily.
And the Prophet came to find and Heal the Chosen One, who needed it not, and to obscure her unseemly fuss, the Prophet gathered the Amyrlin & some friends to form a circle to Heal the Troublemaker called Mat, so as to put the Healing the Chosen One received in its proper context. And seeing that the Shadow lay heavily on those lands, the Amyrlin decided that the Chosen One must be taken unto safety in the White Tower, for though the Chosen One was afraid of no plots of the Shadow, their attempts to destroy the world by smiting the Chosen One could prove unpleasant for those who did seek audience with her, but were unable to defend themselves so well as she. And so the Chosen One came to the Tower to inspect their practices and to share her wisdom with the Aes Sedai. And the false Wisdom was permitted to come, for her strength was excessive, and the thought was that more time in the Chosen One’s company might render the false Wisdom into a useful servant of the Chosen One, and of course, the Light. And so the false Wisdom did come, after beguiling a ring from the Guardian, by practices on which the Chosen One didst forebear to speculate, but must plainly have been uncouth and licentious in nature, and perverse & unseemly, for such was the nature of the slatternly false Wisdom. And the Troublemakers were prevented from following the Chosen One to the holiest of cities and befouling her presence, by sending them on a trivial errand to obtain worthless baubles carried off by the Trollocs when they fled the Fortress of Fal Dara upon hearing the Chosen One was about to wake up.
And the journey to the riverboat was long but pleasant, for though the Chosen One was burdened with the rude company of the false Wisdom, many were the sisters who sought her out to hear her wisdom and win her favor by imparting parlor tricks of the One Power to her. And she knew them all already, but verily, such was her kindness, that the Chosen One pretended to be ignorant to spare their feelings. And all were happy, though the Amyrlin was negligent in paying the Chosen One sufficient homage on that journey. Even the Chosen One’s hint to the Brown Sister Verin, that she might expect an invitation from the so-called “mother” went unnoticed, but she did forgive Verin who was well known to be absent-minded. And they did board a boat which did carry them all to Tar Valon. And there the Amyrlin came to remonstrate with the false Wisdom and to bask in the joy of the Chosen One’s presence. And when she did wrap them in flows of Air, the Chosen One did not extricate herself, but rather gave the Amyrlin a mild rebuke so that she would learn the Law of Unintended Consequences. And because the Amyrlin was the strongest woman the Chosen One had ever known, aside from the Chosen One herself, she relented immediately and humbly apologized to the Chosen One.
And when they arrived in the city of Tar Valon, as it was called in those days, the Mistress of Novices came down to the docks, and did beg of the Chosen One the honor of escorting her to the White Tower, as it was known in those days. And sensing that the false Wisdom had been disrespectful to the Chosen One, the Mistress of Novices did threaten her with much abuse and ill-treatment in her first days. And they went into the Tower, which verily did shine with a brighter Whiteness, for the Chosen One had come to her seat at last, to the center of the earth, the most important spot in the world, in which the titanic struggle between the Light & Shadow would be fought, in the person of their champions, the Chosen One, and the Darker One, known as Elaida. And the Accepted in the Tower were sore jealous of the Chosen One, whom they knew would one day overleap them to rule the Tower as was her birthright. And they did assign to her tasks that were beneath her dignity, at an hour the Creator had never intended the Chosen One to have to wake up at. And because she was humble, she took no vengeance nor meted out punishment.
And it came to pass that the Aes Sedai (for such they were called in those days, before the Chosen One did change their name to Al’Vere Sedai* as they are now known) had a new novice among them, and so they sent their best novice, the Chosen One to instruct her in the proper expectations for novices. And the Chosen One discovered it was the licentious and slatternly Daughter-Heir upon whom the Dragon Reborn had cast his unfaithful, lusting eyes when his fickle heart was briefly removed from the company of the Chosen One. And the Chosen One was kind to her, and she was much in awe of the Chosen One, and briefly regretted so enticing the Dragon Reborn with her lewd ways in Caemlyn.
And she took the Chosen One to meet a fellow nymphomaniac, the Seer from the Inn in Baerlon. And they did blather as the foolish do of the trivial gift of the Seer, though it was far inferior to the magnificent power of the Chosen One. At that time also, they encountered the brothers of the Daughter-Heir, and the Chosen One saw her future consort, and also his older brother, who would one day command the Army of men who failed to appreciate the holiness of the One Power. And the Chosen One knew him for this sort of man, and was unimpressed and unmoved by his unremarkable appearance. And if certain other witnesses present have testified otherwise, it is certainly because they were shamed by her chaste composure, compared to the lustful forwardness they would display around the Dragon Reborn, whom the Chosen One did not really want, and whom she found unworthy of her affections. And the Daughter-Heir & the Seer, inspired by the company of the Chosen One, and awed by her gestures of friendship, undeserved though they were, vowed never to let a man come between them. And the future consort of the Chosen One was confused, for he could not see how either woman could compete with the Chosen One, or how any man could choose any but her. And the Chosen One laughed, for she too knew they could never compete with her womanly beauty and graces, but humored them anyway for that is the kind of person she was, er…is, and this scribe does attest that with no fear of being sent to the Ice Mines of the Aiel Waste**
And after a goodly time in the Tower with the Aes Sedai failing to recognize the brilliance of the Chosen One, she seized upon an opportunity to flee the Tower when it presented itself. And those women she did allow to companion her, she took as well, though they believed the honeyed words of the Deceiver Liandrin, who told them false tales that Chosen One did see right through. But she held her piece for the Seer trusted no word but her silly visions, and the Daughter-Heir did not listen to anything the Chosen One said, so jealous was she of the Dragon’s heart & seed which all knew he gave to the Chosen One, who was the most desirable of all women, though she did not indulge in wanton behavior of that sort, and verily he was most unworthy of her affections anyway. And the false Wisdom, whom the Chosen One allowed to accompany them only because she could not make friends nor be trusted out of sight of the Chosen One, was sore jealous and only cared for her bits of plants anyway.
And when they departed from the Ways, along which Liandrin guided them with some subtle suggestions from the Chosen One at crucial forks in the road, they found they had blundered into an ambush by the foul and vile Seanchan, cursed be the memory of all who consorted, negotiated or made truces with them, and especially cursed be those who accepted aid from them, as the Chosen One most assuredly never did, no matter what scurrilous & slanderous rumor might claim. And despite all the cunning and might of the Chosen One, her foolish companions’ blunderings nearly got them killed, until the Chosen One stepped forwards and placed the collar of the a’dam about her neck to spare her companions. And upon realizing the treasure they had caught, the Seanchan turned away from her companions, and returned home having “captured” the only prize worth having.
And the Chosen One did endure her time among the Seanchan with good grace and high humor, learning all there was to know about them. And verily, she did learn how to remove the a’dam her first hour among the Seanchan, but stayed where she was to learn what there was to know. And the Seer followed them even unto Falme, the town where the Seanchan made their home, for she could not bear to be parted from the Chosen One. And many were the days and hours she came to call on the Chosen One to weep of her despair and speak of suicide, but yea, the Chosen One did dissuade her and perk up her spirits. And she went off to drown her sorrows in spirituous drink at not being able to commune with the Chosen One at all hours of the days, for benighted as the Seanchan were, e’en they could see her greatness and sought her company for themselves, and did fight for the honor of wearing the bracelet the Chosen One permitted to be attached to the collar about her neck.
And on the very day the Chosen One wearied of her visitation among the Seanchan, at the moment she decided to take off her collar and leave, her companions, the Seer, the False Wisdom and the Daughter-Heir did blunder into her room and nearly ruin all. And such was their horror at the sight of the Chosen One in fetters that she had to stop them from visiting cruel torture on Renna and Seta for revenge. But the Chosen One knew they would play a part one day, and forbade them from being harmed, though she thought it best they be collared lest they injured themselves with remorse for treating the Chosen One in a way to upset her friends, though the Chosen One forgave all. And they did escape in time to save the Dragon-Reborn & his Troublemaker friends from the Seanchan, thanks partly to the cunning of the Chosen One, but mainly to the skill and fortitude of the Chosen One, who didst cast a fireball into the town to preemptively destroy those who sought harm to them all. For the damane had been alerted by the foolish blundering of the false Wisdom, and would have destroyed the Chosen One’s companions, and she not slain at a distance all but the least skilled of the damane who sought them. That one, she did allow to fire a near-miss at them, with the hope of teaching her companions some humility and caution, for the time would come when she could not protect them, but this effort of hers, like so many before and after would be doomed to fail. And yea, she did keep trying, for she was just that great.
And the Dragon made much noise and turmoil to no avail but fainted at the sight of Ba’alzamon in the sky, which was verily a trick. And in great despair for the loss of the Chosen One, the Seanchan departed that land in haste. And all was at peace, save for fools who believed all that was new and faddish, and praised the Dragon for their deliverance, and gave not their due to the Aes Sedai and the Chosen One.
And one thing only remains to tell of those days when the Chosen One did grace Toman Head with her presence, and that was the tale of how the Seer found the Dragon lying faint in the street, and did lustfully cast him into a bed and writhe lewdly atop his form. And the Chosen One came in to advise her that such behavior ill-suited one who had been a companion to the Chosen One, and the Seer did make irrelevant remarks and fling blasphemous accusations at her, and the Chosen One departed sadly, and ever after the Seer could stand her company no more, for the very countenance of the Chosen One was a rebuke unto her conscience. And so horrified was she of her guilt regarding her violation of the man who belonged to the Chosen One (for e’en though the Chosen One wanted him not, verily he was still hers) that she did fabricate a mighty tale of one of the Forsaken visiting her in that room to explain away the terror writ on her face. But all can see through the lies, for of whom else could she have been thinking with her tales of a dark-haired woman of awe-inspiring bearing, and incomprehensible beauty, whose aura spoke of unparalleled strength and skill in the One Power? Verily, the Chosen One doth impress e’en those who err greatly against her. And it is written and it was so. And the Chosen One returned to Tar Valon, for nothing of interest was passing among the company of the Dragon who would not yet be ready for great deeds nor need her counsel just yet.
* Al’Vere Sedai = Old Tongue name for the exalted channelers of the most holy saidar, translates roughly as “Servants of Al’Vere.”
** Ice Mines of the Aiel Waste = After their experiences among the wetlands in the War of the Elevation of the Chosen One, the Aiel decided to seek the valuable commodity know as “ice” within their own lands. They resolved to mine it, reasoning that all valuable & hard materials were found deep underground, and so was water. A consultant known as Valan Luca showed them the most likely sorts of spots to dig for ice, and they sunk the first shafts shortly after Tarmon Gaidon, as the Chosen One’s triumph was known in those days, before she began her campaign to correct the world’s misunderstandings of events. As of this printing they have found no ice, but no has had the heart to tell them the truth since they still know karate, carry sharp objects and have very little understanding of the concepts of “logic” and “properly assigning blame.” Plus it is a convenient place to send undesirables especially those who obstruct the efforts to ensure the world knows the truth of the Chosen One and the so-called Dragon.