And speaking of Barbie, Ken, and the WoT
by MJJ Sedai

Well, we were speaking of Barbie and Ken on the discussion thread “purple ajah” posted by ashaman rayn on 5/22 anyway. That got me thinking (yes, a bit dangerous for me at times – and you too ). I’ve seen some good natured fun poked elsewhere at all the “theme” Barbie and Ken dolls introduced on the toy market over the years (Princess Barbie, CEO Barbie, Beach Blanket Barbie, all of Ken’s wonder boy incarnations, yada, yada… ).

So, if toy makers in the WoT world made Barbie and Ken dolls, with the occasional companion friend to go with them, what themes would they use and what introductory sales pitches would they write? Here’s a few of mine:

Far Dareis Mai Barbie – A no nonsense, green-eyed fiery redhead, clothed in beautifully crafted cadin’sor with detachable shoufa, she comes fully accoutered with rawhide buckler, a full complement of short spears, bow, and a full quiver of arrows the points of which are made of the finest metal and guaranteed sharp enough to shave your eyebrows (or anything else she chooses to shave). Ask your little brother if he wants to play a really cool game with her called “maiden’s kiss”.

Two Rivers Ken al’ Hayseed – A lanky, slightly awkward but adorable young fellow with dark hair and eyes, clothed in good Two Rivers woolens, this Ken comes with his own finely self-crafted Two Rivers long bow, a full quiver of arrows (guaranteed sharp enough to shave with - when young Ken finally has something other than peach fuzz on his upper lip to shave), and a requisite tiny little pouch filled with real Two Rivers tabac leaf. Also comes with a miniature real working Two Rivers pipe. Fill the pipe bowl with tabac, pop it in Ken’s little mouth, light ‘er up, and Ken will puff contentedly until his face turns greens and he actually sicks up on his stout Two Rivers boots. Comes with a matching pair of Two Rivers sheep, also clothed in good Two Rivers woolens.

Windfinder Barbie – This bare-footed, black-skinned beauty comes clothed in brightly colored authentic Seafolk garb with an easily removable silken blouse so Windfinder Barbie can expose her anatomically correct, amply-endowed upper body to the glorious tradewinds of the Aryth Ocean. Also comes with teeny weeny, intricately crafted ear and nose rings with delicate chain attached and a dozen shiny little disks to string on the chain so you can designate her rank and standing. Make her Windfinder of a raker or Windfinder of a rowboat; the choice is yours.

Sheinaran Soldier Ken – Comes clothed as any respectable Sheinaran soldier should be, has an impressively large and well-forged sword in the Borderlands style strapped to his back, with a shaved head and top knot in the appropriate Sheinaran soldier style of the Third Age. When the top knot is pulled, it will grow to any length you choose. If it’s too long, just give it a slice with Sheinaran Ken’s razor sharp sword and stuff the extra length up his backside. He’ll emit a manly grunt and say the words “Peace favor your sword” every time you do so. Sheinaran Soldier Ken’s body is appropriately and impressively marked with realistic scars of various lengths and widths, plus a removable eye patch painted with a grotesque version of the one he’s missing, along with half a dozen blank eye patches for you to color yourself.

Pillow-Friend Barbie and Babs – double your playtime pleasure with this lovely pair of “dearest friends”. Both come clothed in gorgeously made matching silk dresses; one is baby blue slashed with pastel pink, the other pastel pink slashed with baby blue. The dresses are sown with delicate, intricate, virgin-white lacey collars falling up to and just under the chin, authentic teeny tiny milky-white seed pearls for buttons in double rows up the back, matching slippers in stylish but durable doe skin, and mix and match belt pouches that complete their ensemble. This beautiful, but untouchable dynamic duo come with a special bonus: An original, signed, first edition copy of the now classic “Barbie and Babs’ Most Excellent Pillow Adventures”, beautifully illustrated in minute detail and printed in full living color (and not by Daryl K. Sweet). A must have for every fan boy – uhh – fan girl, collector. You’ll want to keep this pair in the closet, in pristine condition, in their original manufactured packaging, to hand down from generation to generation…

by Wildman

Sea Folk Ken: Sea Folk Ken comes fully accessorized with his own reflective sunglasses for enjoying the anatomically-correct, amply-endowed scenery aboard the stylish Sea Folk Rakers. No matter if he's staring while coiling rope, gawking while swabbing the deck, or just drooling as the windfinders pass Sea Folk Ken will never be caught! Sea Folk Ken is clothed in loose fitting pants perfect for nimble movement across the rigging of the ship or for concealing the inevitable consequence of using his reflective sunglasses. Extra Sea Folk Ken pants sold seperately.

by linda_sedai

Aes Sedai Barbie and Warder Ken (fairly mundane) - comes in the Ajah of your choice (Red has no Ken though). Barbie is dressed in silk, with light embroidery on bodice and sleeves. Ken has a sword and detachable armour over his clothes, and a colour shifting cloak.
Your Barbie can defeat Dark friends, capture false Dragons and scheme her way into being raised Sitter, Ajah Head, Keeper or Amylin.

Sul'dam Barbie and Damane Babs
Sul'dam Barbie wears a blue dress with red lightning forks on side. She has a silver bracelet with a leash connecting to the collar on Damane Babs' neck. Babs is dressed in drab grey and is barefoot.
Join the mighty Imperial Army on its conquest of Hawkwings lands! Have Babs tell your fortune! Babs can also make Sky Lights!

Altaran Barbie has an embroidered dress with an oval cut-out in the neckline and skirt gathered to show voluminous petticoats. Her silver marriage knife dangles in the cut-out from a collar around her neck. Tiny red and white gems dot the hilt of the marriage knife. Knife scar stickers are included for you to apply to Barbie as you wish.
A dagger is tucked into Barbie's wide belt. Ken had better not upset Barbie!

Altaran Ken wears tight breeches and loose-fitting white shirt. A tiny cape completes his emsemble. He has 2 daggers in his belt for duelling and has an old knife scar on his cheek and another on his shoulder.

 by NaClH2O

Foregater Ken: This Ken is slightly shorter than the normal doll, is dressed in a slightly tattered bright blue silk coat two sizes too big, scuffed shoes missing the silver buckles, and tattered non matching pants. Comes complete with a puppet show, and juggling accoutrements.
Rahad Ken: This Ken has raffish looking mustachios, is clothed in a leather vest and tight pants. Comes complete with three duelling knives.
Inn Keeper Ken: This Ken is much stouter than the standard Ken. He comes clothed is a bright white apron and a voluminous shirt with tied back sleeves. He comes complete with a table wiping cloth, and an obsequious smile.
Tinker Barbie and Ken: Tinker Barbie comes complete with a bright red "A"line skirt and a bright yellow Peasant blouse. Low healed shoes are shiny grass green. Comes complete with various multicolored scarves to dance the Taigrana with.
Tinker Ken is dressed in voluminous silk pants of flaming orange, a purple silk shirt and a chartreuese leather vest. His multicolor boots are in shades of blue, green and violet.
Get both and you will receive a multicolored Tinkers wagon and two mastiffs. As a special added bonus a pair of dark glasses are included to help prevent blindness when playing with the dolls.

 by where is Tylins head

Due to a massive manufacturing error we present Myrddraal Ken totally bald and eyeless with dead black cape and sword. Put in the shadow and it disappears. Watch other barbies and Kens quake in fear. Buy now and get a pack of trolloc Kens as well.
Ishamael Ken, with real burning eyes, a book on philosophy, a fan cloth costume and an optional Moridin head and a shiny Nae’blis badge.
Queen of Altara Barbie, complete with removable head, marriage knife, and toy Ken dressed in regal break away dress for intimate encounters or a royal audience.

by kid snuff

Its posts like this that make the wait in between books bearable. LAUGHING MY *SS OFF! Two additions.
Aes Sedai Barbie - Clothed in the shawl color of your choice, Aes Sedai Barbie comes with the angreal (turtle or wristband) of your choice. When the string is pulled, can utter anything from, RED: All men are evil to GREEN: So how YOU doing? Warder figures optional.
Asha'man Ken: Clothed in all black, this figure can come with either sword, Dragon, or BOTH. Comes with one of three T-shirts: I was at Dumai's Wells, I love the M'Hael, or SNARL!@(#$*@#$*GRRRR! (I love the TAINT!).

by Celestia

Darkfriend Barbie and Ken, with a HUGE bunch of different disguises- dress them up different every day! each comes armed with a dagger that (if dipped in accompanying solution), when stuck in wood, smokes and steams. WARNING: DO NOT LEAVE THIS STUFF NEAR CHILDREN LESS THAN SIX YEARS OLD.
The Barbie and Ken are accompanied by a raven, two trollocs and (optional) Myrdraal.
BONUS- the new GRAY MAN (or woman)!!!! Can you spot him?

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