A Memory of Light Ch. 16: Alone
Paetram - 6/26/2007 12:32:12 PM
[Lan stands wearily on top of a hill in the Blight]
Lan: Trolloc hordes! Come to me! For I am your doom!
[Millions of trollocs stand motionless a thousand feet away in the valley below]
Trolloc #1: Should we?
Trolloc #2: Well, I don't know. That sword sure does look pointy.
Trolloc #1: And sharp.
Trolloc #2: Yes, pointy and sharp. Could poke a hole in something...
Lan: What are they waiting for?
[Bukama's ghost appears]
Bukama: Oh, most likely they're trying to decide which recipe to use after they have slain you. [Begins listing recipes]
Lan [Interrupting his old friend]: Bukama! Where did you come from?
Bukama: Oh, I've been around.
[A myrddraal suddenly blows his horn]
Myrddraal: Forward army, march!
Trolloc #2: What's the hurry, though? I mean, the human isn't going anywhere, is he? Hey, did you catch that new episode last night...?
Lan: Hey, Bukama, maybe you can help me. What do I need to do to make them attack me? Any ideas?
Bukama: You want them to attack you? I suppose you could make an obscene gesture at them...
Lan: No, I already tried that. Been standing here for two weeks, you know, and nothing seems to work. I'm actually starting to think maybe they don't even want to kill me at all. In fact, one friendly-looking trolloc seemed to wave politely to me yesterday as I was passing by to get some firewood.
Bukama: Hey, what happened to all those soldiers you recruited in the Borderlands, anyway?
Lan: Oh, they left after the first week. What's it all coming to when you can't even find a few brave men willing to wait a couple of weeks before being slaughtered to the last man? No, it's not like it was in my day. Now they're all itching to be skewered and turned on a trolloc spit before the sun is up...
Bukama: Hey, Lan, I'd say it's still about a week or so before this Last Battle thing gets underway. What do you say about going to get something to eat?
Lan: Oh, okay. Got a place in mind?
Bukama: Yes, in fact. There's this tavern wench you've got to see...
[Here's more stuff that might pass for humor. I can't recall if I've already used Ch. 16. If so, this is Ch. 16b.]