AMoL Chapter 71: Destiny
by Paetram



Shaidar Haran: Halt, mortal! You have entered into a no-goodguy zone. Surrender immediately!
Rand: No, there must be some mistake. I have an appointment with your Dark Lord.
Shaidar Haran: Ah, I didn't recognize you. The last I set eyes upon you [chuckles at this], you had a few more body parts. This endless war hasn't been kind to you, Dragon.
Rand: Yes, well, I'd better be getting on with my...
Shaidar Haran: Hold! Before you pass, you must prove your worthiness. The Dark Prophecies say you will do some vague thing that no one has any clue about. To fulfill this prophecy, you must bring me a...
Rand: Yes, I'm listening.
Shaidar Haran: I was about to say "shrubbery", but no, that's too easy. Bring me a 1963 Pontiac Grand Prix, in good to fair condition.
Rand: It would help if I knew what that is.
Shaidar Haran: Bring it or die!
Rand: Okay...
[later]
Rand: Here it is. The guy said "actual miles", whatever that means.
Shaidar Haran: If you believe that, I've got this... Nevermind, you may pass.
Rand: [enters the Pit]
[out of the Bore emerges the very essence of darkness and decay in human form; smirking evily, Ann Coulter steps up to face her eternal adversary]
Rand: [trying to keep his utter terror in check] Your extreme hideousness doesn't frighten me. [shaking, he pulls the strange book-shaped talisman the Eelfinn gave him from his tattered cloak] Your time has ended, Shai'tan. [taking a deep breath, he hurls the object of power into the midst of personified evil; across its cover, faded and barely readable, are the words "Dude, Where's My Country?"]
Shai'tan: It cannot be! I am unmade! [thrown backward into the Bore, a great explosion rocks the Pattern, and then a profound silence settles over everything]
Rand: I'm alive. Wait, no I'm not. [an old man appears]
Creator: Rand, you've done well. She was really getting on my nerves.
Rand: Then why did you create her, then?
Creator: Oh, I lost a bet.

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