Darkfriend Recruitment Office
by Paetram
Man: Yes, I'd like to become a dark minion, please.
Recruiter: Very good, sir. Before we begin, I need to ask you a few questions. When did you first begin to consider joining our organization?
Man: Well, it was about a week ago that I started feeling somewhat evil, but it wasn't until this morning that I decided it would be a good career decision.
Recruiter: Excellent. May I ask how many murders you have personally been involved with to date?
Man: None. As of today. But, my neighbor has been particularly unpleasant to me lately, so I was thinking about...
Recruiter: That doesn't count, sir. [writing] No murders. How about arson?
Man: Well, strictly speaking, none, but I recall my cousin was really into that kind of thing. It could run in the family...
Recruiter: [writing] No arson. Any references sir? Anyone who can confirm past instances of evildoing, annoying behavior of any kind?
Man: I believe my wife can provide many examples...
Recruiter: I'm sorry sir. We don't accept those kinds of references, for obvious reasons. Is there anything else, just to give me some idea of your level of experience?
Man: Did I mention that How to Succeed in Evil is one of my favorite books. I especially enjoyed the chapter on kidnappings.
Recruiter: I'm afraid it doesn't sound like you're quite the type we're looking for, sir. Haven't you ever done anything even remotely unpleasant?
Man: Well, I bought David Hasselhoff's last album.
Recruiter: You're hired!