Mat: Those ravens are no doubt spies for the Dark One.
Tuon: Superstitious Toy. Wherever did you get such an idea? To the educated, which you are clearly not, this omen is interpreted to mean that a black cat has just walked under a ladder, spilling thirteen grains of salt, and bringing bad luck.
Mat: That makes a lot more sense. Wait, did you see that? That peddler just sunk into an ancient city that appeared out of nowhere. You don't see that every day... Say, Thom, care to share that with the rest of the class?
Thom: I was told not to give you this letter until you asked for it.
Mat: Why else would you give it to me? Wait a minute, that sounds like Aes Sedai logic--I have a bad feeling about this... [reading]
Moiraine's Letter: I'll be as brief as possible. Mat, I know you will come here to rescue me (even though "here" is not where I am now, but where I know I will be when you read this), so I'm telling you to do just that, even though I already know you will do it. Unless you decide not to, in which case you will do it anyway. So, really there's no point to my writing this letter, but I will anyway because it amuses me. Remember the game of Snakes and Foxes, Mat, particularly the part about the impossibility of winning--that should help you. Finally, to all of you fans who thought I was dead: Did you really think the Lady trapped in the Tower cliché wouldn't come up eventually in this story, more than once?
Moiraine
Mat: Burn me to bloody burning ashes!
---
Tuon: Hey, Mat, I've got an idea.
Mat: Oh, no.
Tuon: I want to visit these curious places you call hells. They sound pretty neat!
Mat: I'll take her to a quaint little country bed-and-breakfast--she won't know the difference. [arriving] Ooh, this place is scary! Ruffians might kill us or something.
Thom: I've got bad news, Mat. The Seanchan are looking for Tuon.
Mat: Strange, it's all been good news up until now. Well, we'd better be going before someone tries to kill us.
Assassins: We're here to kill you. [aside to readers] Remember when Moridin told the Forsaken to kill Mat and Perrin?--this is it, kids. [to Mat] Prepare to die!
Thom: [watching Selucia killing assassins] Where do I get a bodyguard like that?
Mat: Is that all of them? Good. Well, on to the next adventure...
Tuon: That hell was very disappointing, Toy. Back in Seanchan on a slow day I face three times as many assassins before breakfast.
---
Perrin: We're here for your forkroot. Here's a letter from the High Lady which says you must do anything I say.
Seanchan noble: Wait a minute, here's a clause in small print that reads: "...except in the case a man calling himself Perrin Aybara comes and asks for five thousand pounds of forkroot; you can tell him to get lost." I'm sorry sir...
Perrin: Wait a minute, did I say my name was Perrin? How silly of me! That's the name of my servant here. My name is Jedediah Smith.
Seanchan noble: Fine. Here's your invoice, Perrin Aybara--pull your wagon around back.
Perrin: That was easier than I was expecting. That must mean someone is going to try to kill me within the next five minutes. [an arrow almost kills him] Doh!