The WoT Christmas Party
by Paetram

 

 

Elayne: Well I hope it goes well this year. Last year was a disaster--better not to think on it. Ah, that must be Rand.

Mat (with Tuon at door): Bloody parties. If there's anything I hate worse than work it's parties.

Tuon: No Toy, I mean dearest, that's battles isn't it?

Mat: I don't know. Flaming work it is standing here waiting for the bloody Queen to answer the door. Isn't she supposed to have door-answerers or something?

Elayne: Ah, Mat. Tuon you're looking lovely this evening. Here are your name tags and complimentary Santa Hats.

Mat: She certainly needs one with that flaming shiny head.

Tuon: What have I told you about your manners, Mat? Please excuse Mat, Elayne, he's a little preoccupied with that whole Aelfinn and Eelfinn thing [raps Mat soundly on the head several times].

Mat: You still don't believe me about that, do you? [sighs and walks dejectedly through the doorway].

Elayne: Mat, take a look at what's in your stocking.

Mat: [walks over to the fireplace and sticks his hand into a stocking with his name on it] Hmm, what's this? An eye patch--what do I do with this? Hmm, there's something else in there--feels like ribbons... pink ribbons. [walks over to the bar and starts drinking]

Elayne: Maybe this is Rand. [opens the door] Hi, Rand. How's the Last Battle coming?

Rand: Could be better, I guess. Got a few Forsaken outside--hope you don't mind.

Elayne: Not at all, Rand. Mat's here.

Rand: I know, I just had a vision of him--it's the pink ribbons again, isn't it?

Elayne: [nods sadly] Come in, Rand. I'm sure the fate of the entire world can wait a few hours.

Tuon: Ah, the Dragon Reborn. So, we finally meet.

Rand: You don't happen to be a Forsaken do you? Just asking--I've only got two hands, you know. Why can't people just give me a break once in a while?

Tuon: Rest assured, Dragon, I will not harm you, not unless you refuse to bow before me now.

Rand: Can't it wait until after I've died and lived again? My side's killing me.

Tuon: So it shall be, Dragon, but we will meet again.

Elayne: Would you get the door, Rand? Mat's passed out and I've got my arms full.

Rand: [opens the door] Say, aren't you that guy I'm linked to or something? I never did find out who you were. Thanks for the help with Sammael, though you're probably evil since you channel the True Power. Or so Lews Therin says--but he's crazy, you know? Coming in? There's eggnog...

Moridin: No, Lews Therin. Not today. I have come for your soul, boy. The Great Lord of the Dark is not pleased with your recent activities, and would see you dead, or his servant.

Rand: Something that has been bugging me lately is why you guys can't make up your mind whether to kill me, capture me, or burn off parts of me. Make up your mind, guys, I've only got a few parts left.

Moridin: I see you've got a party going on. I won't keep you. But remember, boy, the Shadow waits for you in the Pit of Doom. Oh, before I forget, here's a candy cane. [stalks away]

Rand: Merry Christmas to you, too, mysterious evil guy.

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