Rejected Scenes
by PseudoDragon

Ever wonder what scenes RJ did NOT put into WoT?


Rejected Scene #14
Lan: Rand, I have a new sword-form for you to learn. Its called "Python Slithers Between Two Rocks". Now grip your shaft tightly...

Rejected Scene #32
Moridin: Rand...I am your father!
Rand: NOOOOO!!!!

Rejected Scene #47
Siuan: Do you understand, Daughter?
Alanna: I gotcha Big Mama!
Siuan: That's "Mother", Alanna...

Rejected Scene #48
Siuan: Is that clear, Daughters?
Anaiya: Yes, Mother.
Myrelle: Very clear, Mother.
Alanna: Of course, Mommy.

Rejected Scene #73
Elayne: I'm sorry for being so arrogant to you, Rand.

Rejected Scene #74
Egwene: I'm sorry for being so arrogant to you, Rand. And you too Mat. I apologize.

Rejected Scene #96
Rand: *point* Look!
Everyone: What?
Rand: *holds up his pointing finger* I broke a nail...

Rejected Scene #113
Perrin: Mat! Your back!
Mat: *looks over shoulder* What about it?

Rejected Scene #127
'Finn: Go on, do it again!
Moiraine: No!
'Finn: Oh please please please please!
Moiraine: Alright, alright!
*Music starts up, and words are sung in a gibberish manner. Moiraine moves very strangely, extending her left arm, then her right, then touching her shoulders, then her hips, all the while the gibberish and the music reaches a crescendo...*
All Finns: HEY MACARENA!

Rejected Scene #144
Rand: Are you any good with the Old Tongue, Thom?
Thom: Well Morgase certainly thought so...

Rejected Scene #159
Portal Stone: Flicker flicker flicker flicker....FERLICKER!!!
Rand: Show off...

Rejected Scene # 171
Rand: And then Min said she had a vision of some hot girl who wanted to make out with me.
Mat: Who?
Rand: She wouldn't say. She just kept giving me wierd clues. Apparently the girl is from Baerlon, is Min's height, has Min's hair, her name started with "M", and it rhymes with "pin".
Mat: How strange...

Rejected Scene #186
Min: How did the card game go, hun?
Rand: Argh, Mat layed four queens again...
Min: Hah, he's never even laid one!

Rejected Scene # 198
Aielman: Hiyo! We ith looking for the Cawacan! Can you point him out for uth?
Mat: Uh...sure...
Aielman: By the way, I think you have a vewy nithe butt.

Rejected Scene #211 (inspired by Fanatic-Templar)
Aviendha: We follow ji'e'toh!
Rand: Bless you

Rejected Scene #230
Demandred: *farts loudly* Oh dear me, I appear to have released a bubble of evil!

Rejected Scene #245
Perrin: Right, I've had enough of you always yelling at me, Faile. From now on I am going to stand up for myself, and not moan over my love troubles!

Rejected Scene #266
Rand: RAAAAHVIIIIIIINNN!!!!
Automated voice: You have reached the Royal Palace of Andor. King Gaebril is not at home right now. Please leave a message after the beep. *beep!*

Rejected Scene #280
Random Villager: Wow, you have yellow eyes!
Perrin: Oh, did I forget to take my contacts out again?

Rejected Scene #299
Moiraine: Oh no, its Machin Shin!
Perrin: Gezundheit

Rejected Scene #307
Lews Therin: I'm a little teapot, short and stout!

Rejected Scene # 322
Nynaeve: What's wrong with a tank top and miniskirt, Elayne? A girl has to have fun now and then.

Rejected Scene # 329
Galad: Hey Rand, after I finish my cigar do you want to go out for a drink?

Rejected Scene # 350
Moiraine: Callandor must be destroyed. We must take it to Shayol Ghul!
Rand: I will take it, though I do no know the way.
Lan: You have my sword
Mat: And my bow
Perrin: And my axe

Rejected Scene #369
Elayne: Hey Randy-poo, I'm learning how to cook! Want to try my chilled fish brains in a mayonnaise sauce?

Rejected Scene #384
Rand: Hey Min, I'm out of viagra again.

Rejected Scene #392
Rand: Tarmon Gai'don has drawn nigh. We must prepare to fight. Break out the beers!
Mat: Beers?
Rand: Would you really fight the Dark One sober?
Mat: Point taken.


(Disclaimer: Some of those were 'borrowed' [but twisted] from the WoT Humour Vault)

Rejected Scenes 2
by PseudoDragon

Ok, so I was bored. Now, when Mike gets bored, he makes smileys and colour schemes. But I don't have that option, so I just whipped up another batch of scenes that were rejected from WoT during RJ's writing.
(The first post of these is linked below, if anyone cares)

Enjoy.


Rejected Scene #7
Min: What was it you wanted to tell me, hun?
Rand: Er…well, it appears that…last night at the pub…I, er, had a little too much to drink…and I ended up bonding Verin, Narishma, Mili Skane, a bumblebee, and Narg. Hope you don’t mind a few more sisters and brothers.

Rejected Scene #16 (by Fanatic-Templar)
Rand: That’s a brilliant idea Cadsuane!

Rejected Scene #51
Elayne: Nynaeve! Birgitte! Aviendha! Come in here! I’ve got to show you guys this new ter’angreal rod I found! It’s amazing!
*The following scenes deleted as according to public morale laws*

Rejected Scene #84
Mat: H4h4! u 9uyz 4r3 $0 90nn4 g37 17 n0w! 0h y34h, 1 r0xx0rz!
Moiraine: Oh great, Mat slipped back into the Old Tongue again…

Rejected Scene #107
Rand: Wait, wait, Elayne – you’re having my twins?
Elayne: Yes! Isn’t it wonderful?
Rand: Aviendha, you’re having my quadruplets?
Aviendha: I bear this honor proudly, shade of my heart.
Rand: Wow. Wow! And what about you, Min…?
Min: Had triplets. Got hungry. Ate ‘em.
Rand: ...
Min: Heh, they tasted like chicken.

Rejected Scene # 117
Tinker #1: Ok guys, its time for some major changes. First off, we’re painting our wagons black. We’re also starting up some sword-training classes, and our new form of government will be called “The Way of the Nazi Dictator”.
Tinker #2: Hmm, well, I guess we can live with that. Who’s our new dictator?
Tinker #1: Oh, just this guy I met the other day. Seemed real nice. Name of Moridin…

Rejected Scene #156
Faile: Ok Perrin, I’ve thought it over, and sharing you with Berelain doesn’t sound that bad.
Perrin: Wow, that’s great! While you’re at it, will you dance the sa’sara for me too?
Faile: Of course sweetypie! I’ll even teach Berelain too, so we can both do it for you.
Perrin: And that idea I had with you two, the sweat tent, and the parakeet…?
Faile: We’ve already ordered a parakeet from Shara.
Perrin: …I love you so much

Rejected Scene #173
Obi-wan: Use the Source, Rand! Use the Source!
Rand: *muttering* RJ finally sold out, it seems…

Rejected Scene #195
A Tinker: Hey, Mr. Aiel, watcha listening to on your MP3 there?
Aielman: Oh, right now it’s “Thriller”, by Michael Jackson…
A Tinker: *gasp* The Song! You found The Song!

Rejected Scene #206
Mat: Hey, Rand…?
Rand: Yeah?
Mat: When Min told me she saw a vision of me in a Monastery, she was joking, right? Right!?!

Rejected Scene #234
Perrin: Oh no, the Darkhounds! They’ve found us!
Lan: Relax, boy I know how to get rid of them.
Perrin: Crossing a river?
Lan: No, but watch this….HEY HOUNDS! LOOK OVER THERE! IT’S YOUR TAIL!
Perrin: Wow, now they’re all spinning in circles! Good job Lan!

Rejected Scene #265
Rand: RAAAAHVIIIIIIINNN!!!!
Rahvin: RAAAAAANNNNNDDD!!!!
Rand: HOW ARE YOU DOOOOIIINNNGGG????
Rahvin: NOOOOT TOOOO BAAAAAADDD!!!!
Rand: HOW’S THE MISSSUUUSSSSS????
Rahvin: SHEEE’S DOOOIINNNG FIIIIIIINE!!!!

Rejected Scene #276
Moiraine: The Trollocs have chased us for three days straight out of Emonds’ Field! We can’t go on. We’re tired and out of food.
Mat: You’re telling me! I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.
Moiraine: …
Mat: …
Rand: Run Bela, ruuuun!!!

Rejected Scene #289
Moiraine: Mat, kill that group of women over there
Mat: Yeah, sure, I don’t mind.
Rand: Here, I’ll help you too. I don’t mind either.
Perrin: Ooh, can I join you guys too?

Rejected Scene #301
Mat: Hey Lan, Rand, you guys want to go fishing with me?
Lan: Sure, I even know a place to catch some worms for bait. You guys ever been to the Blight…?

Rejected Scene #324
Whitecloak #1: A witch! We found a witch! A witch!
Whitecloak #2: Burn her! Burn her!
Whitecloak #3: We found a witch, may we burn her?
Aes Sedai: I’m not a witch, I’m not a witch!
Asunawa: Tell me, how do you know she’s a witch?
Whitecloak #1: She turned me into a newt!
[pause]
Whitecloak #1: …I got better…
Whitecloak #2: Burn her anyway!
Asunawa: You know, there are ways of telling whether she is a witch. Tell me, why do we burn witches?
Whitecloak #3: B--…because they’re made of…wood?
Asunawa: Good! So, how do we tell if she’s made of wood?
Whitecloak #1: Build a bridge out of her!
Asunawa: Ah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Whitecloak #1: Oh…yeah…
Asunawa: Tell me, does wood sink in water?
Whitecloak #2: No…it floats!
Whitecloak #3: Throw her into the pond!
Asunawa: Ah, but what also floats on water?
Whitecloak #1: Uh…apples?
Whitecloak #2: Gravy!
Whitecloak #3: Very small rocks
Whitecloak #1: Churches! Churches!
Whitecloak #2: Lead! Lead!
Rand: A duck!
Asunawa: Good! So logically…
Whitecloak #3: If…she weighs…the same as a duck…she’s a witch!
Asunawa: And therefore…?
[pause]
Whitecloak #2: A witch!
Whitecloak #1: Burn her! Burn her!

Rejected Scene #345
Lightfriend #1: Hey Jak…
Lightfriend #2: Yeah Sam?
Lightfriend #1: When are we Lightfriends going to get a scene in the books?
Lightfriend #2: You know what the Creator said, Sam, we have that big introductory scene at Tarmon Gaidon after. Just be patient.
Lightfriend #1: Yeah, but he also said Narg wouldn’t be reborn until near the end either, and look, he got bumped up a few books!
Lightfriend #2: You know that’s a special case. RJ needed Narg to be there as Olver for that scene where he rescues Moiraine. Plus, his wedding to Birgitte has important plot points too.
Lightfriend #1: Well what about Beidomon? RJ said he wouldn’t be revealed until TG either, but he got bumped up too! RJ introduced his character, Berelain, fairly early on.
Lightfriend #2: Oh just give it a rest…
Lightfriend #1: I’m just lonely. We have to sit here waiting, while some of our fellow Lightfriends get some scenes already. Verin, Herid Fel, Bela…Light, even Scratch got some screen time!
Lightfriend #2: Oh, quit your b!tching and help me finish sewing our uniforms…

Rejected Scene #371
Selene: Oh Rand, is that the Horn? Can you take it out of its case?
Rand: Er, I don’t think we should…
Selene: Oh please Rand, I just want to see it! It looks so big! Can I touch it?
Rand: Really Selene, not now…
Selene: Oooh, can I blow it?
Rand: Selene! I am NOT undoing my pants and showing you my penis! Now leave me alone!

Rejected Scene #398 (inspired by Bebop2606)
Perrin: It’s clobbering time!!!
Mat: Flame on!!!
Rand: I am woman hear me roar!!!
Lan: …Dude, you are so gay

Rejected Scene #417 (inspired by Bebop2606)
Aram: "Look, there’s Faile, let’s save her!"
Perrin: "No, no, it's not, it's just some random lady with big breasts and a big-ass nose, let’s go."
Aram: "You sure? Looks like her"
Perrin: "Look, you wanna die punk?! It’s not her, now let’s go. I need to get back to Berelain for dinner tonight."

Rejected Scene #432
Logain: Rand, I didn’t cheat! I went through channeling school again, just like I promised!
Rand: You have to prove that to me, or Taim will take over the Black Tower.
Logain: Alright Taim, let’s go - you and me, mono-e-mono
Taim: …Uh, what does that mean?
Logain: Uh…it means an academic decathlon! You and me, ten events testing everything we should have learned in channeling school. Whoever wins gets to take over the Black Tower.

Rejected Scene #469
*doorbell rings at the Telamon residence*
Lews Therin: *opens door*
Ishamael: Trick or treat!
Lews Therin: Oh, is it that time of year already? Hold on, I’ll get my wife to find you some candy. Ilyena! Where are you dear?
Ishamael: Haha, just kidding Lews, I’ve actually come to-…
Lews Therin: That’s a lovely costume you have there. Who are you supposed to be?
Ishamael: Lews, it’s me, Ishamael…
Lews Therin: Oh, the Betrayer of Hope! Well, that’s a very bold move, especially during this time. It’s a good costume, very real-looking. Did your mom make it?
Ishamael: No, Lews, it’s me, Ishy. I’ve come to kill y-
Lews Therin: Where IS Ilyena? I don’t know what is keeping her. Why, if she thinks I’m keeping guests from her she’ll give me the rough side of her tongue!
Ishamael: Lews! Listen to me! It’s me, Ishamael, Elan Moran, you know? I betrayed your cause and fought against you countless times, remember?
Lews Therin: Well, I am impressed! You even know your history! Well done, young boy, you really put a lot of thought into your costume this year!
Ishamael: For the love of the Dark, Lews, shut up and listen to me! I’m here on orders of the Dark One to kill y-…
Lews Therin: Ilyena! Where are you? We have a trick-or-treater here! Come on!
Ishamael: LEWS! SHUT UP!
Lews Therin: I hope you don’t mind Mars Bars, I think that’s all we have…
Ishamael: Oh f**k this, I’ll get Demandred to do it later...

Rejected Scene # 481
Creator: Aha! Rand won Tarmon Gaidon!
Dark One: YEAH, WELL, YOU GOT LUCKY. DOUBLE OR NOTHING NEXT TIME AROUND?
Creator: You’re on!

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