Moridin reports to the Great Lord, part 4
by Shishka
Moridin reports on Semirhage’s capture. He practically dances into the Pit of Doom, showing no noticeable limp.
Moridin: Guten Tag, Herr big guy!
GL: GUTEN TAG. WHY SO CHIPPER, TODAY? WHEN LAST I SAW YOU, YOU WEREN’T DOING SO WELL.
Moridin: I convinced Graendal to Heal my feet, Great Lord. They’re all better now. Woo Hoo!
GL: HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT? I THOUGHT SHE SAID SHE DIDN’T DO FEET.
Moridin: We made a deal.
GL: WHAT SORT OF DEAL?
Moridin: She Heals my feet, and in return I give her Aran’gar, to … dispose of … as she sees fit.
GL: HEY, THAT’S MY MINION YOU SO CALLOUSLY TRADED AWAY. YOU MIGHT HAVE AT LEAST CONSULTED ME FIRST.
Moridin: I didn’t think you’d mind. Aran’gar’s cover was blown with the rebel Aes Sedai, so she was no longer useful to us. Not that she ever really was, anyway.
GL: YEAH, THAT’S TRUE. SO, WHY DOES GRAENDAL WANT TO KILL HER, SPECIFICALLY?
Moridin: You remember what a lecher Balthamel was, don’t you?
GL: OF COURSE – THAT’S WHY I STUCK HIM IN A WOMAN’S BODY, REMEMBER?
Moridin: Well, she’s still a lecher, and she made the mistake of leching on Graendal in our last group meeting. Our Lady of Hedonism was none too pleased, to say the least.
GL: I’LL BET. JUST SO YOU KNOW, ARAN’GAR ISN’T DEAD YET – HER SOUL IS STILL ATTACHED TO THAT BODY.
Moridin: I’m not surprised. From what I could tell, Graendal intended to make her … suffer … awhile.
GL: AHH, GOOD ‘OL GRAENDAL.
Moridin: Did you want me to retrieve Aran’gar for you, before Graendal kills her?
GL: NAH, LET GRAENDAL HAVE HER FUN. SHE’S EARNED IT.
Moridin: Gladly. I’d hate to think what she would have done to my feet, had I reneged on our deal.
GL: SO, HOW DID THE PLAN WITH SEMIRHAGE GO?
Moridin: Not so good, Great Lord. Instead of capturing al’Thor, Semirhage got herself captured instead.
GL: OH, FOR PITY’S SAKE! ASIDE FROM YOU, SHE’S BEEN THE CHOSEN I COULD COUNT ON THE MOST! MAN, I HAVE THE WORST LUCK EVER!!!
Moridin: Not according to these 3rd Agers, you don’t. For some reason, they equate uncommonly good luck with you. They even have a saying for it … “the Dark One’s own luck”.
GL: YEAH, I KNOW, AND I’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. I’M TRAPPED OUTSIDE THE PATTERN FOR MILLENNIUM AFTER MILLENNIUM, AGE AFTER AGE, AND THEN FOR A MEASLY HANDFUL OF YEARS I GET ACCESS TO IT, AND THAT MAKES ME THE PARAGON OF LUCK? IT MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!!!
Moridin: Yeah, I agree. Although, not to quibble or anything, but … you’ve had access to the Pattern for more than a “handful” of years, by my reckoning. Around 120 in the AoL, plus a few now, is quite a few more than a “handful”.
GL: TO YOU, MAYBE, BUT NOT TO ME.
Moridin: Really? How many fingers have you got?
GL: 299.
Moridin: On each hand?
GL: NO, TOTAL. 150 ON MY LEFT HAND, AND 149 ON MY RIGHT.
Moridin: Why not 150 on both hands?
GL: WELL MR. NOSY, IF YOU MUST KNOW, I LOST ONE OF THEM WHEN THE DRAGON SEALED THE BORE.
Moridin: How?
GL: AS THE SEALS WERE BEING PUT INTO PLACE, I STUCK TRISKAIDEKA-PINKIE ON MY RIGHT HAND INTO THE BORE, TO TRY TO KEEP IT OPEN, BUT THE DAMN SEALS LOPPED IT OFF.
Moridin: Ouch! Wait a minute … you only stuck a pinkie in? Why not a pointer, or a thumb, or even the whole hand?
GL: YOU HAVE SOME NERVE, QUESTIONING MY TACTICS! FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM QUITE FOND OF ALL MY DIGITS. IT TOOK ALL THE COURAGE I COULD MUSTER JUST TO STICK A PINKIE IN THERE! WHO KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?
Moridin: So, did it accomplish anything, or did you just lose the finger?
GL: HOW DO YOU THINK I TAINTED SAIDIN, NUMBSKULL!!!
Moridin: Huh, I never knew that. So, what happened to the pinkie, anyway?
GL: THOSE DAMN ‘FINN USED IT TO CREATE THE TOWER OF GHENJEI.
Moridin: Wow, the ToG is over 200ft tall. That’s some finger!
GL: WHAT CAN I SAY? I’M A GOD. WE’RE BIG.
Moridin: Hey, wait a minute. The ToG existed back in the AoL, before the Bore was drilled, before I was even born. How is that possible?
GL: THE ‘FINN ENCLOSED IT IN AN ANTI-ENTROPIC FIELD, AND SENT IT BACKWARDS IN TIME.
Moridin: Cool! I wonder where they got that idea from?
GL: DAN SIMMONS, I THINK.
Moridin: Who?
GL: NEVER MIND. SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT SEMIRHAGE?
Moridin: Well, one of the Black Ajah is with al’Thor’s group at the moment, so I’ve been thinking of using her to free Semirhage.
GL: THAT SEEMS REASONABLE.
Moridin: Except … she may not be very reliable. From what I’ve been able to learn, it was she who obliterated Osan’gar with callandor, while al’Thor was removing the Taint from saidin.
GL: WHAT?!? AND YOU SAY “MAY NOT BE RELIABLE”? HOW MUCH MORE EVIDENCE DO YOU NEED? DOES SHE HAVE TO KILL A SECOND CHOSEN, BEFORE YOU’RE CONVINCED? IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVE AN UNLIMITED SUPPLY, YOU KNOW!!!
Moridin: No, Great Lord. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.
GL: SEE THAT YOU DO, OR YOU’LL SPEND THE REST OF THIS LIFE –
Moridin: Please, not another idle threat. We both know you never follow through on these.
GL: YEAH, WELL … I GOT A SOFT SPOT FOR YOU, SPARKY, WHAT CAN I SAY?
Moridin: I appreciate that, Great Lord.
GL: JUST DON’T TELL ANYONE ELSE … I CAN’T AFFORD TO LOOK SOFT – MINIONS START TO DISOBEY YOU, AND THEN IT’S NOTHING BUT WORK, WORK, WORK, ALL THE TIME.
Moridin: Understood. Mum’s the word.
GL: GOOD. ANYTHING ELSE?
Moridin: Nope. See ya next time.
(At this point, Moridin starts walking toward the exit).
GL: HEY, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO ASK TO USE THE OP TO TRAVEL OUT OF HERE?
Moridin: Why bother. After 3 tries, I’ve come to the conclusion that you’ll never say “yes”.
GL: YOU NEVER KNOW …
Moridin: OK … Can I use the OP to open a Gateway to my palace?
GL: NO!!! HA!
Moridin: I knew it!
GL: SOMETIMES IT’S GREAT BEING ME…