Altara (AP) -- Jahar Narishma sent a letter to Mazrim Taim yesterday detailing his plans to continue walking in the Light. Although he was promised immortaility and power beyond his wildest dreams, the patheticness of the Forsaken and other darkfriends convinced him change would be for the worse. He explained that the latest ambush by Semirhage was the straw that broke the camel's back.
"All my life I'd heard how bad she was, so sadistic and cruel. My mom used to frighten me with her name all the time. What a liar she turned out to be," he said. "So here we are, walking right into her 'trap,' and all she does is shoot off this teensy-weensy little fireball - really just a spark, now that I think about it. What a letdown; it burns more when I piss. Thanks, Merise."
The invitation was initially offered back in TPoD, when Narishma delivered a note to Taim, and was invited into the M'Hael's apartments.
"He asked me if I wanted to participate in some 'special lessons,'" recalled Narishma. "I thought he wanted to sleep with me or something. Well, I figured I'd try anything once. But now you can scratch being a darkfriend out of 'anything.' Man, that would make me pretty gay."
The lessons, however, would mold him into a new Dreadlord. "I'll admit, I was pretty tempted by the benefits package. But I told him I'd have to sleep on it for a few days. And he says no problem; a few days would find the Dragon Reborn murdered by his students and make my decision for me. To tell the truth, I was getting sort of excited."
But the attack drifted far away from the plan. "So these five renegades meet up in the Sun Palace ... and blow up an empty room! Can you believe that?" he exclaimed. "They didn't even check to see if he was inside before they gave themselves away. It was so mind-blowingly retarded that, looking back, I'm surprised one of the Forsaken wasn't involved. God, what a bunch of losers."
Yet Taim was so insistent he found himself agreeing to give the Shadow another chance, which came during the cleansing of Saidin.
"Seven of the 'Chosen' showed up, right; seven of the most powerful Aes Sedai the world knew back when it wasn't the sh$%hole it is today. And they're matched up against our three circles and a couple women. Sure, we had some fancy toys, but to be honest, we didn't know what the hell we were doing. And we still violated them like cheap Domani whores. You can quote me on that one."
Demandred, apprised of the young Ash'aman's comments, issued this statement: "Narishma has no idea what I'm capable of, nor does he have any clue about the many diabolical schemes I'm running behind the scenes. Well, come to think of it, I don't know about any of them either. As far as I can tell, I've spent the whole series just trying to look busy. But rest assured, I'll unveil something particularly evil just in time to have it thwarted before I'm killed in the next book. He simply can't comprehend the power of the Shadow."
Narishma was less than impressed. "Power? You've got to be kidding me. Power to fail, maybe." He paused. "Quite frankly, I'd rather die tomorrow than live forever associated with those pussies."
The Domani Women's Liberation Circle reply
by nermid
This just in! The Domani Women's Liberation Circle has just issued a statement concerning the Asha'man Jahar Narishma. Narishma is quoted as making very sexist remarks concerning his personal practices, and those of Asha'man in general. He went so far as to say that, "We [...] violated [...] cheap Domani whores."
Sheril Jaksun, leading spokeswoman for the DWLC held a press conference today in which she told reporters that if Mr. Narishma did not apologize for these remarks, she "will personally gentle his chauvenistic ass, and sodomize him with a broom handle. And you can quote ME on that!"
In the continuing absence of the Dragon Reborn, the official head of the Black Tower was consulted on the matter. "Nahar is a snivelling asshat," said Taim, "and I'm not surprised he's getting us bad publicity." Taim is a distinguished member of the community, having recently struck a treaty with newly-elected Andoran dictator Elayne "Pregger-pants" Trakand.
The DWLC reminds our readers that this is not the first whiff of sexism out of the Black Tower. Just last Bel Tine, the scandal of forced servitude of Aes Sedai broke loose. All of this, compounded with the Tower's complete refusal to admit women into its ranks, has led women's rights groups across Randland to boycott Black Tower goods.
Taim is optimistic that the situation will be resolved peacefully because, "nobody's gonna listen to a bunch of Domani whores. Stupid feminazis."