An armor-clad face appears at the top of the rampart.
It speaks in an outrageous French accent.
Soldier: 'Allo! 'Oo is it?
Rand: It is I, Rand al'Thor, the Dragon Reborn, the Lord of the Morning, and these are my sworn Aes Sedai and Asha'man. Whose castle is this?
S: This is the castle of my master, the M'Hael.
A: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by the Creator with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, and join the Black Tower to the rest of the Light, he can join us in our quest to imprison the Dark One forever.
S: Well, I'll ask 'im, but I don't think 'e'll be very keen - 'e's already done that, you see?
R: What?
Logain: He says they've already *done* that!
R: (confused) Are you *sure* he's done that?
S: Oh yes, it's ver' naahs, the Bore bein' replaced and all.
(to the other soldiers) I told 'em we've already *done* that!
(they snicker)
R: (taken a bit off balance) Well... ah, um... Can we come up and have a look?
S: Of course not! You are goody-good types.
R: Well, what are you then?
S: (Indignant) Ah'm a Darkfriend . . . Ah mean, ah'm French! Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous accent, you silly dragon?!
Cadsuane: What are you doing in *Andor*? (aside, to Rand) He's obviously lying, there's no way the French could build such a stronghold.
S: Mind your own business!
R: If you will not show us the Dark One's prison, we shall take your castle by force! (aside, to Cad) What does French mean?
S: You don't frighten us, Lighty-Light pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Drahgon Reebohrn"! You and all your silly Ay-shaaaayyyyy-meeennnnnn and Iiiiiiizzzzeeee Sedddyyyyyeeeee!
(the soldier proceeds to bang on his helmet with his hands and stick out his
tongue at the knights, making strange noises.)
Verin: What a strange person.
R: (getting mad) Now look here, my good ma--
S: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Cadsuane: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
S: No!! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
(pause)
R: Now this is your last chance! I've been more than reasonable....
S: (to four other soldiers, standing behind him on the rampart)
Fetchez la vache.
Other Soldier: qua?
S: Fetchez la vache!
(the other soldiers are seen leading a cow... mooing noises)
R: (continued) ...if you do not agree to my commands, than I shall--
(Boing! The cow goes flying through the air over the rampart...
R: Burn me!
(...and lands, amid great mooing, on one of the warders. Various crying-outs
from Arthur's, I mean Rand's party.)
R: (determined) Right!
(drawing sword) CHARGE!
Rest of Rand's Party: CHAAAARGE!
(As they run towards the French Castle, swords drawn, they are met by a huge
onslaught of live animals and Aes Sedai of all sizes, that come plummeting down from the
ramparts of the castle. Amid screams, they all turn back before even reaching
the castle walls, save Logain, who reaches the stone wall in time to give
it one stroke with the Power before retreating.)
French Soldier: (throwing down a goose) Hey, this one is for your mother!
(and a White sister) And this one's for your gran!
Rand's party: (hastily retreating) Run away!
RUN AWAAAAY!