The Muppets Take Andor 8
by Comet Sedai

 

 

Minor, very minor, updates. Because...well, because it was there. Tune in next time, when we'll hear Dr. Bob say...
**********************

Seriously. Well, not seriously. Why make a cast list with "real" actors, when you can make one with muppets?

And so, without further ado:

It's time to channel Fire,
It's time to praise the Light!
It's time to meet the Muppets
Of the Wheel of Time tonight!

Closing:
It's Time to get things started,
On the most sensational,
Misty-nation-al,
Sniff-a-ration-al
Muppetational,
This-Is-Where-We-Ask-Who-Killed-AsmO!

Herid Fel: Dr. Strangepork (from, you know, Pigs in Space!)
Aginor: Dr. Bob (Veternarian Hospital, the continuing story of a quack, who's gone to the dogs)
Verin Mathwin: Professor Bunsen Honeydew
Shalon, the blackmailed Windfinder: Beaker
("Here at Acme Labs, Tar Valon branch, the Future is being created Today. Ask a White what that means. Today, we have created edible ter-angreal. Send us 12 gold marks, and we'll rush it to you today. My assistant, Beaker-Shalon, will demonstrate. Hmmm...causes one's nose to fall off...better yet, send us 14 gold marks, and we WON'T send it to you..." )

Rahvin: Pepe the King Prawn (I'll kiss anyone, just not pig).

Perrin, loveable yet hen-pecked: Kermit the Frog
and so,
Gaul: Scooter
Faile: Miss Piggy
but also,
Davram Bashere: Scooter
Egwene: Miss Piggy
Tylin: Miss Piggy
Cadsuane: Miss Piggy
Elaida: Miss Piggy on steroids

Romanda: Statler
Lelaine: Waldorf
("Why do we always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like some kind of torture, for Egwene lead the show! " )

Masema: Animal
Fain: Animal (notice, they're never in the same scene...)
Mat: Floyd Pepper (dude)
Birgitte: Janis
Which means Gaidal Cain, when he shows up, will be Dr. Teeth
and,
Vanin: Zoot
Noal Charin: Crazy Harry
Master Hark: Rizzo the rat

Balwer: Fleet Scribbler (reporter for the Daily Scandal...he can even speak Swedish-chef).
Weiramon: the vain Captain from 'Pigs in Space' (assuming Weiramon doesn't turn out to be a super-smart super-spy Darkfriend)
Elyas Machera: Rowlf (Elyas is part-canine, after all, and I'm sure he'd play the piano, if there was such a thing in Randland). Rowlf is just so multi-talented, I couldn't limit him to Aginor.

Galad, Mr. I-do-have-a-sense-of-humor: Fozzie Bear, waka waka (ok, just kidding)
Thom: Fozzie Bear
Lan: Sam the Eagle (the big blue guy who's always depressed)

Rand: Gonzo the Great!
Which means,
Min: Camilla, Gonzo's faithful chicken

Voice of LTT: the Swedish chef ("Break the Seals, bork, bork!" )

Shaidar Haran: Clifford, the avatar of cool

The Aiel: the creatures that danced (get it? danced? hahahaha...erg) around to the song "Du duu du du du, M'nomena" - 'cause it was funny, but didn't make any sense.

Voice of the Creator: recording of Jim Henson (alas)
Voice of the Dark One: Frank Oz
(or maybe Frank Oz can do both...I mean, he's the voice of Miss Piggy and Yoda after all)

Alternate versions of the opening song

Seanchan version:
It's time to put on bracelets,
It's time to leash 'em tight,
It's to kneel to Bloodlines
On the Wheel of Time tonight!

Aiel 'Bleakness' Version:
It's time to break the spearheads,
It's time to dress in white,
It's time to serve the Sisters,
On the Wheel of Time tonight!

Any critical muppets missing?

I'm trying to cast Johnny Fiamma and Sal Manella, but I don't remember them so well. Same with Bobo the Bear - which character (besides Mat) is known for eating all the time?

NOW! By popular demand...Sesame Street (think of it as the answer to Jordan's kid-style WoT books

Loial: Snufalufagus ('cause Ogier aren't real, are they? Have YOU ever seen one?)
Mat: Ernie (perfect)
Tuon: a rubber duckie (Tuon duckie, Mat's awfully fond of you.)
Perrin: Bert (with his Pigeonese, he'd be a Bird-brother)
Rand: Big Bird
Bayle Domon: He do be played by Cookie Monster, the Agrammatic
Fain: Oscar the Grouch
Valan Luca: Guy Smiley
Olver: Elmo

This nonsense has been brought to you by the letters R and J, and by the numbers 3, 7, and a circle of 13.

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