by Paetram
After the Last Battle, our heroes, at the peak of their fame and basking in the adulation of the general populace, went their separate ways and slowly faded into obscurity...
Perrin, now unemployed, lives in a trailer park on the outskirts of New Manetheren with his wife, fifteen children, and mother-in-law.
After the fall of the White Tower, Elaida fled to a small isolated cottage, with dozens of stray cats to keep her company. Usually seen mumbling to herself incoherently, neighboring children are afraid of her.
Elayne, the most popular Queen of Andor in hundreds of years, last year came out with a new line of bath and body products, most notably her own brand of "Royal Soap".
Now retired from campaigning, Mat Cauthon, despite the extreme displeasure of the Empress (may she live forever) and at great peril to himself, built a large casino in the Eastern capital and became a very wealthy man overnight. Unfortunately, on one fateful day in 29 UA, the Empress caught him with a... It may be safest to say no more of the matter.
[I do realize how evil I am for writing this, but I've never let that stop me. I'm fresh out of ideas on this one--anyone want to continue?]
by Cannoli
Min has gain fame as a widely published philospher, until the fact that her boyfriend was the Dragon Reborn lost marketing appeal, and she started sagging and not looking so good in tight pants on the book tour circuit. Now she harasses political leaders and the media by insisting they NEED her to help formulate policies or comment on current events. Seven different rulers have filed injunctions or restraining orders to keep her from tying herself to their legs.
Egwene's latest hostage experience caused a spike in her approval rating, until it was revealed that she had staged it to bring attention to an increasingly irrelevant channeling organization. The Tower itself is considered the least competant group of female channelers, especially since she has caused or been involved in the disemination of their knowledge to the other groups. Now they are ranked sixth behind the Windfinders, Aiel Wise Ones, the Kin of Caemlyn, the Voluntary Damane Corps and the Black Tower Ladies Auxiliary.
On a brighter note, her how-to book is a favorite among novices of the White Tower, and a humor best-seller among other channeling groups. The book, co-authored with Nicola Treehill, is titled Do As I Say, Not What I Did: A Novice's Guide to Success.
Rand al'Thor's latest funeral was sparsely attended, and attracted little attention, though as per standard procedure, gambling syndicates have published an over-under line on his latest return from the dead.
Nynaeve al'Meara claims to be "quite content" with her current life with her family. However, a joint reconnaissance and intelligence task force, organized in cooperation with all channeling groups and several national governments, is charged with keeping her under surveillance, and issuing Emergency Nynaeve Itinerary Bulletins whenever she seems about to visit a headquarters or palace. Rulers or people who have screwed up or made severe mistakes are hastily evacuated when it seems she might be coming for a visit.
Sheriam Bayanar has found a happy calling, if somewhat of a challenge to her abilities in pushing Cadsuane's wheelchair and wiping the drool and oatmeal off her chin.
Juilin Sandar is widely considered a major success as head of an international law enforcement organization, though legislation is required periodically to stop his massive "international security" crackdowns which just happen to arrest and detain in "security camps" large numbers of nobles.
Davram Bashere enjoys the sweet peace of death, as Perrin is now in charge of caring for and accepting the abuse of his womenfolk.
Gareth Bryne is happily married to Siuan Sanche, and will be the first to say so. He sits up late at night when she is gone on Aes Sedai business weeping. Most people assume this is because he misses her, but they can't explain why he weeps while looking at a picture of the much hotter and sexually available woman he used to date. Others close to Bryne think it might have something to do with Sanche's earrings which strongly resemble a pair of gilded testicles.
Birgitte Trahelion no longer remembers any of her past lives, nor in fact, her current life. She can't understand why an ugly swordsman keeps hitting on her.
Thom Merrilin lives the typical life of the retired music star, and the live-broadcast ter'angreal shows his life to the masses. His trademark bellow for his wife is a world-wide catchphrase, and when he plays at benefit balls and such, he introduces his beleagured wife to shouts of "Mooiirraaaaiiine" from their fans. Totally discredited by her history of being opposed by people who turned out to be right, she mostly uses the Power to change his colostomy bag and soothe his limp, and keep his career on track. Her eyes and ears now serve as marketing consultants for his songs. He is still frustrated by the lack of a mass market for High Chant, and is a bit disgruntled by his "Born in Andor" album far outselling his more critically acclaimed and musically superior work.
Aviendha managed to squander half of Rand's fortune investing in silk dresses designed for the modern-day Wise One. Although silk may feel nice, it's not very suitable for life in the Waste, and sales never managed to eclipse expenses. The book she co-authored with Faile; "The Proper Care and Cleaning of Silk", was an even bigger failure, as readers often fell asleep and drowned in their washtubs while attempting to follow the tedious instructions. This led to a class-action lawsuit and multimillion dollar settlement which effectively bankrupted both of them and the publisher, Toraken.
On the flip-side of that story, Be'lal, (who was actually transmigrated into Taim's body), prospered and became quite well-known, as he was the lead lawyer in the class-action suit. Following on the heels of that victory, he managed to get charges against Lady Shiane dropped for murdering Joachim Carridin, after his now-famous quote: "If the keg is dry, you must let her fly.", which aptly summed up the lack of evidence in the crime. Now other alleged Dark Friends are clamoring for his services.
Bayle Domon performs a nightly routine in Tar Valon, (The new Las Vegas), with an inspired rendition of Frank Sinatra singing "Strangers in the Night". Women have been known to throw their smallclothes on stage, and mass-fainting spells abound when he reaches the famous, "Do-be-do-be-do" chorus.
Uno and his remaining Shienaran compatriots managed to lose a large amount of money for their line of hair products, "Little Miss Careall", but turned their fortunes around with the release of "Ragan's Rogain". They then formed a heavy-metal rock band, "The Top-Knots", and soon produced the biggest hit in history; "Flaming Goat-Kisser". The cult classic can still be heard on Pirate Radio, but the accompanying video was quickly banned from MTV for obscenity violations.
Come to find out Verin's 70 year plan was only an IRA with a special clause which doubled the lump-sum payout if she survived Tar'mon Gaidon. She bought Far Madding with her new-found wealth.
Cadsuane retired, (again), this time into the Kin, where she immediately assumed control of the organization by sheer force of will. Soon after, the entire membership banded together and stilled her, by a sheer matter of numbers. Her magical ter'angreal were confiscated and dropped into a very deep part of the Aryth Ocean, and she was set to polishing Rand's boots for the remainder of her life.
As for Rand, his torso and head are bound to a wheelchair, while Min, Elayne and Aviendha take turns pushing him around. (He doesn't really need any boots since he doesn't have any feet, but he keeps buying them to keep Cadsuane busy.) And, his three women don't seem to care about the missing arms and legs since the other extremity is still intact and fully functional.
by pucknut
Rand, having surviving the last battle, realized that he would have to deal with not one but three wives. This was ok at first, until their periods all switched to the same week every month. He tired to run, but being bonded to them all he didn't have a chance. Elayne, Aviendha, and Min now take turns wearing the gilded earrings made popular by Nynaeve. On the bright side, Rand can now hit the high notes in the popular ballad, "Narg, the World's Smartest Trolloc." He is planning on trying out for next season's Westlands Idol.
Thom started the aforementioned Idol, and recruited Julin and an increasingly drunken Moghedian to be fellow judges.
Semirhage, having learned that some people actually LIKE being treated like dirt, opened up a highly successful chain of "adult businesses" called "Semi's Dungeon of Depravity"
Valan Luca disappeared shortly after his wife saw him look at another woman. The only thing ever found was a small scrap of red cloak in the bear's cages.
Galad got a job as a dancer in some of Semi's not-so-tortuous clubs and now goes by the name Peter Dragon, along with Berelain, who goes by Frieda Fondle.
Aludra became increasingly obsessed over her Dragons, and is now living in a quiet cottage in the country, repeating "Boomity-boomity-boomity" over and over again.
The Dark One after beaten at Tarmon Gai'don is trapped outside the Pattern once more until some idiot channeler finds a way to open his prison once more.
Demandred now runs his own succesful private investigation company, and has yet to be convicted for tax evasion as he has yet to be found.
Mesaana is still paraded out to novices to show that even the Forsaken can be brought to justice, and is still teaching indirectly, via being the example to Accepted on how to properly apply the Question.
Tam al'Thor died at a ripe old age and is now with his beloved Kari. Some skeptics think he got tired of babysitting for all of his grandchildren.
The sheep in the Two Rivers are still afraid.
Loial went missing after the cure to the Longing was found. Some say he is in Shara working on his books regarding Tarmon Gai'don and the Dragon Reborn in peace and quiet without his wife nagging him.
Moridin is still the raining grand master of sha'rah suffered his first defeat in the game to a computer specially designed to play the game.
The Black Ajah were executed after Tarmon Gai'don and their lives have been made into documentaries of varying success.
The debate over who killed Asmodean has yet to be solved.