Parody of KoD - Chapters 13 - 19
rAndy aL - 4/1/2008 1:43:22 AM

 

Caemlyn under siege

Elayne: Birgitte! Standing on the wall is foolish! I’m coming up too!

Aviendha: I’m making it rain. Now I feel wet. And cold.

Birgitte: I wish I could fight this war by myself. Fighting an army is easy compared to looking after these two!


Guybon: I bring reinforcements. Your army is now twice as big!

Elayne: I must be a taveren, everything is working out. Did you bring anything else?

Guybon: I have a letter from some Lord al’Thor…

Aviendha: That would be for me.

Guybon: Some fine Andoran wines.

Birgitte: We can use those to celebrate your promotion to second in command

Guybon: Some sort of book on ter’angreal…

Aviendha: I’ll take that one too

Elayne: Don’t I get anything?

Essandre: I can get you a midwife.

Elayne: I hate you!


Norry: I found a gr… *coughs* …a man who can follow Mellar for you.

Elayne: What does he do?

Hake: I’m an assass…

Norry: He’s a cutpurse, a very good one.

Elayne: How good?

Norry: Well, we found about 200 purses around his apartment. Most of them with a golden lily embroidered on them.

Elayne: I wondered what kept happening to those


Aviendha: I know what all your ter’angreal do!

Elayne: You must have another talent!

Dorindha: They need some time apart…



At a secret location

Nynaeve: Logain’s back.

Rand: NYNAEVE! KNOCK! BLOOD AND ASHES!

Nynaeve: Cadsuane wants to see you.

Rand: *stumbles*

Nynaeve: Are you ok?

Rand: *backs away* I’m fine. I’ll be out in a sec.

Nynaeve: Ok… She’s in the sitting room. *leaves*

Min: You could put something on, first That disguise is only an illusion, you know

Rand: Just don’t let anyone touch you, and they won’t notice. I think…


Logain: I just got back from Caemlyn. Elayne agrees – I made a much better false Dragon than you.

Rand: I’m the real Dragon, dip-s***!

Cadsuane: Someone’s asking to be spanked again…

Rand: No! Not this time! I won’t let you…

Verin: Did I ever tell you about the time I…

Cadsuane: Yes!

Verin: Oh… Then what about…

Cadsuane: Yes, you told us that!

Verin: Then it appears I can best serve you elsewhere. I will return when I am needed again. *leaves*

*awkward silence*

Rand: I wonder where she’s going…

Cadsuane: Probably looking for more stories


Loial: The Shadow is advancing. We need to help.

Covril: We keep out of the affairs of men.

Loial: The Shadow is our business. We cannot run from this.

Covril: I disagree. Once we open the book of Translation…

Loial: Mom! There’s a hundred thousand Trollocs creeping up on the manor house.

Covril: What?

Loial: Just pass me an axe already



Trollocs! Up axes and clear the field!

Rand: I wonder why the Ogier discovered them before all these Aes Sedai, Warders and Ashaman…

Lews Therin: Shut up and fight! Oh, just let me do it!

Rand: Hey! I was… Woah…

Lews Therin: What are you doing with my hands? I need those!

Rand: Hey! I’m naked in a battle! Cut me some slack!

Lews Therin: Well, I kind of like that part of me. How about you move them before I shoot myself with Arrows of Fire…

Rand: *looks down*


Logain: That was impressive. Do you show those… …weaves to everyone, or do you keep them for your favourites like Taim?

Lews Therin: I want to die!

Rand: What? You’ll just burn us out that way, you idiot!

Logain: Now you’re just showing off. You don’t need to impress me further; I saw how big your… …your Deathgates were compared to mine…

Rand: What’s going on?

Cadsuane: What’s he doing Min? Don’t play games with me girl!

Rand: Don’t threaten Min!

Cadsuane: Well, well. The boy finally shows some balls Just try not to do it in public next time

Rand: What are you talking about?

Nynaeve: Your… disguise slipped…



Lews Therin: We can die at Tarmon Gaidin.

Rand: Not soon enough!

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