Parody of KoD - Chapters 13 - 19
rAndy aL - 4/1/2008 1:43:22 AM
Caemlyn under siege
Elayne: Birgitte! Standing on the wall is foolish! I’m coming up too!
Aviendha: I’m making it rain. Now I feel wet. And cold.
Birgitte: I wish I could fight this war by myself. Fighting an army is easy compared to looking after these two!
Guybon: I bring reinforcements. Your army is now twice as big!
Elayne: I must be a taveren, everything is working out. Did you bring anything else?
Guybon: I have a letter from some Lord al’Thor…
Aviendha: That would be for me.
Guybon: Some fine Andoran wines.
Birgitte: We can use those to celebrate your promotion to second in command
Guybon: Some sort of book on ter’angreal…
Aviendha: I’ll take that one too
Elayne: Don’t I get anything?
Essandre: I can get you a midwife.
Elayne: I hate you!
Norry: I found a gr… *coughs* …a man who can follow Mellar for you.
Elayne: What does he do?
Hake: I’m an assass…
Norry: He’s a cutpurse, a very good one.
Elayne: How good?
Norry: Well, we found about 200 purses around his apartment. Most of them with a golden lily embroidered on them.
Elayne: I wondered what kept happening to those
Aviendha: I know what all your ter’angreal do!
Elayne: You must have another talent!
Dorindha: They need some time apart…
At a secret location
Nynaeve: Logain’s back.
Rand: NYNAEVE! KNOCK! BLOOD AND ASHES!
Nynaeve: Cadsuane wants to see you.
Rand: *stumbles*
Nynaeve: Are you ok?
Rand: *backs away* I’m fine. I’ll be out in a sec.
Nynaeve: Ok… She’s in the sitting room. *leaves*
Min: You could put something on, first That disguise is only an illusion, you know
Rand: Just don’t let anyone touch you, and they won’t notice. I think…
Logain: I just got back from Caemlyn. Elayne agrees – I made a much better false Dragon than you.
Rand: I’m the real Dragon, dip-s***!
Cadsuane: Someone’s asking to be spanked again…
Rand: No! Not this time! I won’t let you…
Verin: Did I ever tell you about the time I…
Cadsuane: Yes!
Verin: Oh… Then what about…
Cadsuane: Yes, you told us that!
Verin: Then it appears I can best serve you elsewhere. I will return when I am needed again. *leaves*
*awkward silence*
Rand: I wonder where she’s going…
Cadsuane: Probably looking for more stories
Loial: The Shadow is advancing. We need to help.
Covril: We keep out of the affairs of men.
Loial: The Shadow is our business. We cannot run from this.
Covril: I disagree. Once we open the book of Translation…
Loial: Mom! There’s a hundred thousand Trollocs creeping up on the manor house.
Covril: What?
Loial: Just pass me an axe already
Trollocs! Up axes and clear the field!
Rand: I wonder why the Ogier discovered them before all these Aes Sedai, Warders and Ashaman…
Lews Therin: Shut up and fight! Oh, just let me do it!
Rand: Hey! I was… Woah…
Lews Therin: What are you doing with my hands? I need those!
Rand: Hey! I’m naked in a battle! Cut me some slack!
Lews Therin: Well, I kind of like that part of me. How about you move them before I shoot myself with Arrows of Fire…
Rand: *looks down*
Logain: That was impressive. Do you show those… …weaves to everyone, or do you keep them for your favourites like Taim?
Lews Therin: I want to die!
Rand: What? You’ll just burn us out that way, you idiot!
Logain: Now you’re just showing off. You don’t need to impress me further; I saw how big your… …your Deathgates were compared to mine…
Rand: What’s going on?
Cadsuane: What’s he doing Min? Don’t play games with me girl!
Rand: Don’t threaten Min!
Cadsuane: Well, well. The boy finally shows some balls Just try not to do it in public next time
Rand: What are you talking about?
Nynaeve: Your… disguise slipped…
…
Lews Therin: We can die at Tarmon Gaidin.
Rand: Not soon enough!