Hear ye , Hear ye! Please attend this urgent meeting ...
by
sidious
We are the People against the Overuse and Abuse of Angreal and other Power objects (POOP).
We were founded just after the Breaking of the World to preserve the endangered species of Power objects. Our dwindling numbers are a major cause of concern and we have tried our best to guard our members from harm or abuse.
Herewith are the latest minutes from our annual general meeting which took place in vacuole 3ZA in the Blight. It was attended by all the Power objects who could make it and was chaired by the Crystal Sword , our most senior and mobile member.
Notable Absences
The Choedan Kal , our most senior members – who are for the 3000’th time still buried under a billion tons of rock.
Crystal Throne , who couldn’t move with ease while the Empress sat on her.
Grievances
The following acts of atrocity were reported over the past year to the council.
1. A full circle of female channelers overused a weather ter’angreal by 300%. The respective member did her best to preserve the catastrophic side-effects caused by overworking her , but despite this , saidin and saidar were distorted for a few weeks afterwards. There were two angreal witnesses who described the event as “grotesque”.
2. Elayne Sedai abused a red rod ter’angreal whose principle function as a fusion heater in a Paaren Disen power plant was perversely altered into the most abhorrent of acts. A wagon of passing Power objects described the abuse as “sick , yet amusing”.
3. Various Aes Sedai who have proved to their friends that the most fragile of ter’angreal cannot be damaged by a hammer. A small message ter’angreal who was repeatedly beaten by a mallet stated “Of course I didn’t break , but I have feelings. If I am dropped , do I not bleed?”
4. Rand al’Thor who placed our chairman , Mr Callandor , in the path of a bar of balefire. This heinous crime allowed our senior sa’angreal to break the Covenant of Silence act 3 of AB 325 and weave a shield to split the balefire. Naturally the channeler prescribed the success to his own skills and we congratulate our distinguished member on yet another brilliant ruse.
5. Rand al’Thor who took our long-suffering member , Mr Callandor , and rammed his head into the floor of the Stone deliberately. Our distinguished member was forced to live with his head in the floor and anus in the air for nearly one year. A passing dream ter’angreal said the event “chilled her to the bone”.
6. Rand al’Thor (again) and Asmodean who used our own senior Choedan Kal to wreak a genocide upon the simple populace of Rhuidean. Over fifty objects of the Power died in this gruesome battle.
7. Egwene al’Vere who knowingly brought a junior dream ter’angreal into the presence of a senior Accepted-test ter’angreal which led to a fight between the two. The consequences nearly claimed the life of the Accepted and caused an uproar in the Tower population.
8. Mat Cauthon who deliberately removed an exiled dagger from the Power prison of Shadar Logoth. After he was separated from the dagger , our distinguished council of Tower objects had to suffer the companionship of this wretched object for a few weeks before he was removed by another madman.
9. Nynaeve al’Meara who killed Choedan Kal’s small nephew , Missy , while trying to use our senior member. Their other nephew , Jack , said that his cousin looked “molten and unhappy”.
10. A callbox who underwent significant psychological trauma after a man named Caddar jokingly mused that he may explode or melt. In his own words “I knew if I didn’t perform , it was the end of the line for me. What choice did I have?”
11. Several young female Aes Sedai who have nestled our distinguished dream ter’angreal between their breasts. In her statement , our clearly flustered member asked “Do I look like a male who wants a good time?”
12. Perrin Aybara , who through a selfish act directly led to the death of a hedgehog ter’angreal. Before his death , our member managed to wail “I just work for them!”
Condemnation
The following condemnations have been made…
Rand al’Thor should receive the most grievous punishments for his crimes. He is , however , granted full immunity for his evil deeds because if we harm him , it won’t exactly aid our cause in the end. He will , however , not receive a Christmas card this year.
Nynaeve al’Meara is placed into the order of the Vile Thing for killing a small ter’angreal miniature. Perrin Aybara is placed in this order too for his role in harming the hedgehog ter’angreal.
All the people who changed the weather are placed into the order of the Oaf for allowing their ignorance to harm an innocent victim.
Awards
Moiraine Damodred is awarded the order of the ter’angreal for always wrapping her angreal up in a soft cloth and using it for good deeds like Healing and killing Shadowspawn.
Aliviarin Sedai is awarded the order of the ter’angreal for keeping her ter’angreal safe as a baby in its secret little hiding place.
Suian Sanche is awarded the order of the angreal for keeping a tight reign on all Power objects in the Tower and only using our distinguished white bar sa’angreal to Heal and then keeping her in a nice wooden box lined with silk furnishings. Most impressive.
Cadsuane Melaidhrin is awarded the order of the angreal for keeping her angreal and ter’angreal safe for over 250 years. In addition to using her objects for good deeds like neutralizing tainted male channelers , fighting Forsaken and keeping the Dragon Reborn safe , she also provided them with a nice view.
Elayne Sedai is awarded the order of the sa’angreal – our highest honour despite the red rod incidence. She has been the first in many years to breed our kind and may provide us some hope for the future.
Elaida Sedai is henceforth awarded an honorary membership for actually beating two Aes Sedai who harboured angreal without permission. It was a great risk she took , and we thank her for it.
Condolences
To male Choedan Kal for still being buried , but who will be free in the next few years.
To little gold ring angreal for being found by Graendal the Forsaken , and must now acquiesce to her evil uses (according to the Finders Keepers act of 21 AB)
Conclusion
With the release of the Forsaken we would like to reinforce our previous warnings to members not to become acquired by these evil people. If a Forsaken passes or comes near you , it is extremely important that you lie still and act unimportant. Their frequent use of disguises means that you should act like this when anyone comes near to you because to be honest , even without a disguise we don’t know what they look like. Senior sa’angreal have given detailed descriptions regarding Mesanna because she is in the Tower.
Be on the look out for a woman with brown hair who can channel. She also likes to wear a dress.
If you are a male angreal then you don’t have much to worry about but as our Rings of Rhuidean ter’angreal likes to always reiterate “Your time will come”.
Many thanks to all who attended the meeting. Our next meeting will take place one year from now in Seanchan under the Crystal Throne , who so kindly has offered to host us. Drinks will be served in the adjacent vacuole by our beverage-terangreal.