The backwards WoT
by sidious

 

Allow me to prove to you that Jordan wrote the Wheel of Time series backwards. It would be so much better the other way around. So anyone who’s busy with a re-read (like Isa), please start with KoD. The story…

The battle begins with the most powerful channeler in the word and his extremely powerful allies destroying an army of Shadowspawn. Rand al’Thor has an argument with Logain, who claims that Taim is controlling the Ash’aman. Rand is very angry, and Cadsuane won’t stop bugging him. Mat divorces the Seanchan Empress and gets on with his life, and Perrin leaves Faile in the Shaido grasp and walks into the sunset.

Rand asks Nynaeve to link with him, and using the foul city of Shadar Logoth, he taints saidin instantly causing Ash’aman to start going mad. The Forsaken come to see what is happening, but leave without a fuss. Everyone is disgusted with Rand – and he is declared the most evil man ever. He is thrown into prison in Far Madding, and Cadsuane and her friends leave him there. He gets out and leaves the city.

The dwindling magic of Shadar Logoth is angry at al’Thor for weaking it, and it resurrects Sammael who has a fight with Rand in Ilian. Rand flees the city, and Sammael starts to destroy the men who attack the walls. As Rand gets home he is attacked by assassins, Flinn and Corele, who reverse-Heal him and place a deadly wound on his side which is about to kill him. He runs from the city and Padan Fain paradoxically Heals him by stabbing him with a tainted knife (insert eerie music).

He runs away from Fain. Rand Travels back to the Palace only to notice that it is becoming very hot. He discovers that Nynaeve and her friends have turned to evil and used a ter’angreal to change the weather into a barren deathtrap. He feels elation, because he too is evil. Nynaeve expels the Seafolk and tells them to never come near them. They also tell off the Kin, and laugh at them after making them fall for a joke that they can all be Aes Sedai one day. Rand collars Alivia and gives her back to the Seanchan.

Rand then goes to Dumai Wells to fight the Shaido. When the Ash’aman see him, they run away. When the Shaido see the Aes Sedai, they run away. Rand is captured and put into a box (luckily for us, this works whichever way you read the series). He is tortured (see above), but is taken back to the Palace where he is placed on a throne and declared king of the world by the Aes Sedai. The Aes Sedai leave. Rand goes to the farm and disbands it and sends everyone home who isn’t mad. He tells Taim to get lost. Sammael admits he isn’t the Nae’blis to Graendal, and she leaves in a huff. Demandred is thrown out of the Pit of Doom. Semirhage resurrects Cabriana and her Warder, but she can’t figure out how, considering death is permanent. Taim declares himself the Dragon Reborn and all hell breaks loose. Nynaeve goes to Salidar and stills Logain and Siuan… she’s become a really evil bitch. Logain flees to the White Tower with Siuan, where Elaida and her friends miraculously Heal them. Logain flees the Tower and declares himself the Dragon Reborn – to spite Rand, and get revenge on Nynaeve.

Aran’gar in a spectacular move, collars Moghedien and gives her to Nynaeve as a gift. Nynaeve milks her for information about the Shadow and embraces her evil nature once more. Moghedien escapes and beats Nynaeve up in Tel’aran’rhiod. Nynaeve while fleeing through Tel’aran’rhiod, Heals Rahvin who makes Rand go through massive pain. Rand flees to Caemlyn and Rahvin chases him. Rand skims away, and Rahvin cannot follow because he cannot block gateways. Rahvin is very angry, but Morgase returns to comfort him. He removes the Compulsion on her. As Rand re-enters the Docks, he looks fondly at the Finn ter’angreal, but is shocked when Moiraine bursts through and is fighting Lanfear. Moiraine is flung away, and Lanfear starts to torture him. Rand uses Egwene and Aviendha as body shields and runs away, and he takes Moiraine with him. Lanfear is perplexed. Rand runs back to his Palace and asks Asmodean to teach him things to fight Lanfear, which he does. Aviendha comes to the Palace and is very angry about being used as a body shield – so Rand sleeps with her in an igloo to say sorry. Rand is still considered to be very evil. He also exiles the Aiel back to the Waste, and he sends Aviendha with them now that he has taken what he needs from her. Heading into the Waste to seal the Aiel away, he enters frees Asmodean from his shield to say thanks for the teaching. Asmodean runs off and joins Lanfear. Rand enters Rhuidean and sees his heritage and feels remorse. He goes out of the Waste to the Stone of Tear and pulls Callandor from the stone floor. At the Docks Rand sold Egwene to the Aiel as an apprentice, and they sold her to the White Tower as an apprentice, and they sold her to the Seanchan as a damane.

Rand then confronts Ishamael, the most powerful of the Forsaken in an epic duel with the sa’angreal. Rand is fully trained and so is Ishamael. Ishamael dies, and Rand kills Be’lal, who he didn’t know was there until a few seconds prior to the event. Rand seals the sword behind a ward so that one day his successor will come for it. Egwene breaks free from her a’dam and traverses the Ways only to end up in the Tower again. She convinces Nynaeve to renounce her evil ways and they flee the Tower on the way back to their original homes. Rand joins them, and they all feel bad about what they’ve been through. They agree to shield one another to resist the evil One Power, and they tell Moiraine to get lost. Emond’s Field chase Lan and Moiraine out of town. Rand and friends lose all their powers and live happily ever after.

Thousands of years later Rand is reborn as Lews Therin and he releases the Dark One. As thanks, the Dark One removes the taint from saidin, and the world prospers. The thirteen most evil people ever all return to the Light, and people like Semirhage cure the uncurable, Aginor makes massive discoveries, and Graendal heals those with sick minds. Graendal becomes chaste. The Dark One is still a bad influence on the world, and Lanfear, in a stunning experiment seals him away in a perfect prison. Lews Therin is in awe, and dumps his wife Ilyena. Lews Therin and Lanfear go out. Lews Therin and Lanfear go out. Lews Therin and Lanfear go out. The end :)

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