Final battles through the Ages
by sidious

 


Final battles through the Ages. Notice if you will how the Wheel turns…

10,000,000 BC

Dark One : Free! And only plankton and small organisms to stop me. I am free! This world is mine.

Nymeba : oh

Randcillus : !!!

Dark One : Hmm…

Nymeba : tounge

Randcillus : flamesword

Dark One : What the hell? How is this area of the Pattern resealing? Wait! No!!

Nymeba : biggrin

Randcillus : shy

100,000 BC

Dark One : I’m afraid to look. Hmm… a monkey.

Randlopithicus : You.

Dark One : Yes. Me.

Randlopithicus : You.

Dark One : *sigh* I’m leaving. I can’t rule this pile of crap.

Randlopithicus : Wait.

Dark One : Huh… you know more than one word. Okay, you have one last chance. Yes?

Randlopithicus : You.

Dark One : Oh for #!!#! sake. *reseals himself*

10,000 BC

Dark One : Free! And now I shall crush you all!

Rand : Prepare to meet your match, Shaitan!

God : These ten curses I place upon Egypt!

Dark One : What!?

Moses : As I strike this water, may it part and may we traverse the seas unharmed!

Dark One : What’s going on?

Rand : It’s a biblical war.

Dark One : shit.

Rand : See you in a millennium?

Dark One : Deal. I hate locusts anyway.

Dark Ages

Dark One : Free! I am free again!

Sir Rand : You Norman scum.

Dark One : What?!

Sir Rand : You dare taint our sacred Saxon lands with your filthy fingers.

Dark One : Uh… yes, I do!

Sir Rand : You cur. To arms men!

Dark One : Finally, a battle!

Sir Matrim : Sire, the pagan witches from the forest come.

Sir Rand : The godless filth. Attack, and purge the lands of our pagan pestilence.

Dark One : Come back! I demand that you attack me!



Dark One : Please!

….

Dark One : Can anyone hear me!?

….

Dark One : When does it ever stop raining here?



Dark One : Aw… dissaprove

Middle Ages

Dark One : At last my victory is sealed.

Rand : Prepare to be destroyed, Dark One. We merely await consent from the Church, and we shall break you.

Dark One : Good luck with that.

Alivia : My Lord High King Protector … the Church has sent this parchment. We may attack.

Rand : To arms!

Nynaeve : Move you lollies! Mount those horses!

Dark One : No wait! I delivered an enormous Papal bribe to sabotage your efforts. I demand justice!

Alivia : Here is a parchment for you too, Dark One.

Dark One : Huh? Thanks for the gold. SUCKER! Why you little…

Rand : Charge!

Dark One : I’ve been double crossed! Damn the doubly corrupt clergy!

Modern Age

Dark One : Free at last! Where are we?

Ishamael : A remote fishing village called Hiroshima my lord. I assure you…

whitecloak

10,000 AD

Dark One : Free at last! Hey where’s the world?

Ishamael : destroyed years ago by a galactic war, my master. But we have a bigger problem.

Dark One : What? Oh my.

Rand : Is my fleet READY?

Alivia : And now tremble Shai’tan as the combined fleet of the solar system descends on. One hundred thousand mega star cruisers each with planet destroying capabilities.

Rand : Nynaeve! Your line is up…

Nynaeve : Ay Admiral. *cough* … SHIELDS UP!! Attack pattern sigma. Focus all phaser beams onto these co-ordinates. Mass destroyer weapons yield plus ten. Fire! Fire!

Dark One : Mommy!

10,000,000 AD

Dark One : A more civilised age. Easier to destroy.

Incorporeal Nynaeve : oh

Incorporeal Rand : !!!

Dark One : Hmm…

Incorporeal Nynaeve : tounge

Incorporeal Rand : flamsword

Dark One : What the hell? No not again! You can’t do this! You don’t even have bodies! You’re just spirits! Noooo!

Incorporeal Nynaeve : bigirin

Incorporeal Rand : shy

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