Semirhage … once known as Nemene Damendar Boann
Grand Councilman : Thank you for attending this summons Nemene.
Nemene : What is this about?
Grand Councilman : Mr Smith here was Healed by you. He is suing you for grievous bodily harm and invasion of privacy.
Nemene : What! I saved your life!
Mr Smith : You didn’t save my life! You ruined my death! I wanted to die. I threw myself off the building for a reason.
Grand Councilman : Indeed. He didn’t ask you to Heal him.
Nemene : Of course he didn’t. His brains were lying all over the sidewalk. I Healed what only a handful of people in the world could Heal!
Grand Councilwoman : You’re so selfish. For you, it’s all about what can be done, not what should be done. You were unethical.
Nemene : But… I helped a man in need.
Grand Councilwoman : He wasn’t in need. He wanted to die.
Nemene : But … but…
Grand Councilman : We have reached a judgment.
Nemene : A judgment! I’ve only just arrived to defend myself. And I’ve saved the lives of uncountable unhealable people!
Grand Councilwoman : Yes, but we never really liked you anyway. And you can do things which we can’t, and it’s embarrassing. So there it is.
Nemene : *mouth hanging open*
Grand Councilman : You can choose to be severed and then tossed onto the street as a disgrace. We are not totally without mercy though. We offer a second merciful choice.
Grand Councilwoman : You can opt to be bound with a Spirit Rod. Your lifespan will be halved, you will be mocked in public by your stretched face, and you will be as biddable as a donkey on a leash. Are we not merciful?
Nemene : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Lanfear … once known as Mierin Eronaile
Lews Therin : I need to speak to you, Mierin. It’s serious.
Mierin : This is it! After twenty years of courtship he’s finally going to propose!
Lews Therin : Mierin, I’m dumping you. You must pack and leave.
Mierin : Wha…?
Lews Therin : The Companions feel that as Tamyrlin, a monogamous relationship detracts from my virile status. They demand that I spread my royal oats.
Mierin : But I love you! I’m loyal and loving!
Lews Therin : That’s all irrelevant. I was only using you for sex anyway. Your mind and your intentions are beyond unimportant to me. I need to move on.
Mierin : Is it another woman?
Lews Therin : Yes… Ilyena Sunhair. And before you ask, yes I’ve been cheating on you for over six months, and she’s probably pregnant.
Mierin : Argh! Ilyena! But she’s … but she’s…!
Lews Therin : Yes. She is the most grotesque harridan known to the channeling world. The only reason she’s such a prolific dreamer is because she’s autistic.
Mierin : Anyone but her…!
Lews Therin : Toothless and stinky, she is the worst the Dashain had to offer. A thousand times to reach for the Source, and she scrapes it once or twice. Her obese mass requires her nursemaids to move her bulk around her quarters using a special ter’angreal.
Mierin : But why!?
Lews Therin : Simple. When the Companions saw you they said I could have any woman. I confirmed that I could. One male Aes Sedai, Jaric, told me to prove it. I thus aimed as low as I could. I shall prove that as Tamyrlin, I really can have ANY woman.
Mierin : But… but…
Lews Therin : I’m marrying her next week by the way.
Mierin : I think … I think … I’ve had enough.
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Asmodean … once Joar Addam Nessosin
Joar : Finally, my grand debut.
Organizer : We’ve cancelled your concert, Joar.
Joar : What! I sold 60,000 tickets!
Organizer : Yes, but we did a poll and the audience seems to want more contemporary music.
Joar : Contemporary! I spent three years writing a symphony. One hundred and eighty seven violins, ninety-seven cellos, sixty-six…
Organizer : Yeah, thanks for that, but we’re giving the stage to the Blood Vampires.
Joar : *gasp* My stage … to them!
Organizer : Yeah, to be followed by some random boyband, and probably some sort of death metal group… skeleton rippers maybe.
Joar : All my work! All my effort!
Organizer : That’s showbiz baby.
Joar : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Mesaana … once known as Saine Tarasind
Saine : Greetings, Grand Council members.
Professor : Saine, this is your big day.
Saine : It is! I have finished my twenty-three year study on energy reflux ter’angreal. This will revolutionize ter’angreal. They’ll be smaller, more powerful and require less energy to activate.
Professor : Indeed, I read it. We all have.
Saine : I’m ready for your speech now, Professor.
Professor : Good. Saine, we’re not making you a Professor, or even renewing your contract with the Collam Daan.
Saine : Heh…
Professor : I’m serious.
Saine : What! This is the single greatest discovery since angreal and sa’angreal over six centuries ago!
Professor : Oh I agree. That’s why we patented your thesis and sold it yesterday to a private company for seventy billion credits.
Saine : Oh my god! My life’s work.
Professor : Thanks for the hard work. You can go now, we are all getting third names from Lews Therin in about an hour for ‘our’ remarkable discovery.
Saine : You’ll never get away with this. I demand the Professorship and third name you promised to me! You promised!
Professor : I guess that makes me a liar.
All : Mwah ha ha! Mwah ha ha!
Saine : All I wanted to do is research the One Power. Please. I love research.
Professor : Unsuited to research.
Saine : *gasp*
Professor : But I guess we could be a little merciful. You did make us all immensely wealthy. You can teach first year chemistry if you want.
Saine : I have twenty three doctoral degrees. I am board-certified as a scientific prolific is most countries. I have honorary doctoral degrees from several international organizations. You can’t do this to me.
Professor : First year chemistry. Take it or leave it.
Saine : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Rahvin… once known as Arid Mosinel
Arid : I bought you flowers ladies.
Ladies : Ew… those are like SO not roses. We don’t accept daises or carnations.
Arid : I channeled them. It took me a few hours.
Ladies : Well they suck. Learn roses, or enjoy being alone.
Arid : Okay, can I sit with you?
Ladies : No, you’re all thin and scrawny, and you don’t have nice muscles.
Arid : I’m working on it. Look … *flexes*
Ladies : *laugh hysterically* We’ve seen mice with bigger biceps.
Arid :
Ladies : If you’re going to cry, then leave. Just go, you wimp.
Arid : I just want to be friends.
Ladies : Well go find a tree and hug it.
Arid : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Graendal… once known as Kamarile Maradim Nindar
Kamarile : Group session is now in … session.
Psych patient 1 : You’re a useless therapist. I’ve been here for a year and I still see spiders on my skin.
Psych patient 2 : Yeah, and I still hate my father.
Kamarile : Give me a break. You all have problems which the Power can’t touch, and I’m trying my best.
Psych patient 3 : Well your best is manure!
Kamarile : How does that make you feel?
Psych patient 4 : Like I want to go on a shocklance rampage just like I did last month. Except this time I’ll kill you first.
Psych patient 3 : Heh…
Kamarile : *sigh*
Psych patient 2 : Oh boo hoo… grow up Aes Sedai, and help us. Do something useful for once. Be a … non Aes Sedai.
Kamarile : That’s pretty hateful of you to say.
Psych patient 2 : I hate you! And I hate my father! The bastard!
Kamarile : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Demandred … once known as Barid Bel Medar
Barid : Woot! My book is finally ready. Seven hundred and seventy pages regarding ‘How to run a government’. Mark my words, Peter, this will become a textbook in schools.
Peter : Sir, I have bad news.
Barid : What?
Peter : Lews Therin published a book too.
Barid : So?
Peter : It’s called ‘How to run a government… by a real authority’.
Barid : What! That… that… ! No matter, I can still sell mine, right?
Peter : Unfortunately, your publishing company halted the press and shifted to Lews Therin’s book instead. Lews Therin also owns the tabloids, so they’ve give his book nine stars and yours one. I quote … Barid Medar’s book reads like moose with a javelin through its head… it just doesn’t. Buy Lews Therin’s… it’s better.
Barid : No!!!
Peter : According to page one of the World Tribune, Lews Therin took such glee in your misfortune he nearly fainted from laughter.
Barid : He fainted?
Peter : Nearly sir. According to the Tabloids … Lews Therin would have fainted if he had been less manly and divine.
Barid : That’s outrageous! How can they print that?
Peter : The article caused widespread Lews Therin mania. Your ratings have gone down by nearly 50% since last night, and that’s just the morning edition. *drinks coffee*
Barid : What… is… that?
Peter : Uh… Dragonbucks coffee.
Barid : Let me get this straight. The book which I have been tailoring for nearly seventeen years has become an utter failure at the hands of a man who openly shows his malice, a man who deliberately thwarts me just to laugh at me… and my dashain is drinking…his… COFFEE!!!!
Peter : Heh…
Barid : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Moghedien… once known as Lillen Moiral
Sarah : Come out of the toilet, Mierin. You can’t stay in there forever.
Lillen : Leave me alone!
Sarah : Aw come on. We won’t hang you by your thumbs from the flagpole again. We just want to spray paint you today.
Lillen : I hate you!
Sarah : Come out and we’ll torment you.
Lillen : Then I won’t come out!
Sarah : Argh! I mean… come out or we’ll torment you.
Lillen : Please, I just want to read my books in peace.
Sarah : Ha ha! Nerd. Please, this hiding in corners and toilets is becoming tiresome. You’re like… a disgrace to cowards.
Lillen : I hate you… I wish I could…
Sarah : Use your strength in the Power on us? Sure, you’re stronger than all of us together, but no Aes Sedai has ever used their power for aggression. Too bad, so sad. Now come out, or we’ll stick your head in the toilet again.
Lillen : No!
Sarah : We’ve already told the Supervisor that you’re the one who’s stealing from Petty Cash. If you don’t get fired, you’ll be cautioned. Thanks for the designer clothes that cash bough us by the way.
All : *laugh*
Lillen : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Ishamael … once known as Elan Morin Tedronai
Surfer : So … uh… dude. What is this Pattern shit anyway?
Elan : I think… I think… I’ve had enough.
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Don’t judge the Forsaken too severely
