Some Forsaken battles
by sidious
Here we have the true behind-the-scenes look at Forsaken confrontations with the good guys. I've done all of them up to KoD, but I will release one every 3 months.
Confrontation at the Eye of the World
Aginor : I am Aginor
Balthamel : anth I am Bulfamal
Aginor : He has no tongue. He is Balthamel.
Balthamel : Thath wath I thed
Aginor : Silence! You’re embarrassing us.
Loial : The Forsaken are bound in Shayol Ghul.
Aginor : And what am I? A midden heap?
Loial : Well I suppose you do look like a pile of crap.
Aginor : Grr…
Moiraine : No Lan! You can’t fight the Forsaken.
Lan : Yes I can, I’m a main character and pretty much immortal
Aginor : True, we cannot kill a main character, but we can beat you up.
Lan : You can? *gets beaten up*
Nynaeve : The Light blind you. *tries to stab Aginor*
Aginor : Gah … another main character *beats her up*
Nym : I’m going to kill you, Balthamel
Balthamel : Weth he, Athinor? I haf no eyth.
Aginor : He’s in front of you, you moron. Channel something.
Balthamel : ok *makes Fire but still dies*
Aginor : Ok, if that’s how easily the greatest generals of the Shadow die, I think we’re pretty much screwed. I better do something quick. Time to die, Aes Sedai.
Moiraine : I have an angreal Aginor. That means my 2x squared plus five equals your 5x.
Aginor : True … I’ll try anyway. *Moiraine screams*
*Rand runs away and stops on the hilltop*
Aginor : Ishamael said you were the Dragon Reborn – Lews Therin reborn, sworn to destroy all of us. It is only proper that we should train you to be our strongest adversary.
Rand : I’m the main character of the entire series. You’re probably going to die soon.
Aginor : Perhaps, but I will die beautiful *draws on the Eye*
Rand : Actually I like that shiny stuff too.
Aginor : No, it’s mine. *burns himself out*
Rand : He’s dead. Moiraine he’s dead. Are you ok?
Moiraine : Of course, despite the way he leveled cities in the War of Power, I was too strong for him. He merely tortured me. How did he die?
Rand : He drew too much of the Power.
Moiraine : Sort of like what novices sometimes do. Tarmon Gai’don’s going to be a walkover.
Rand : so … what is the Power?
Moiraine : Ok, maybe not.
Be’lal and Ishamael
Be’lal : Take Callandor. Take it now and I’ll kill you.
Rand : Then why should I take it?
Be’lal : I mean … OR I’ll kill you.
Rand : No, I hate the Power. Hate it! With it I can do anything in the world. Don’t you understand why I hate it?
Be’lal : Er…
Rand : Where are my friends?
Be’lal : In a cell guarded by two inept guards. Are you going to take the sword?
Rand : Uh…
Moiraine : Hold Be’lal!
Be’lal : Fool woman. I should have killed you. Even now in my powerful state I shall enter a monolog just to flaunt my power. You see… *dies*
Rand : Thanks Mo, but what was that bright light?
Moiraine : Uh … it was … just a really bright light which takes the Forsaken to another place. A happy place with bunnies and green grass.
Rand : Cool. You’re so compassionate.
Moiraine : *mumbles* *screams*
Ishamael : Lol, she screams like a girl.
Rand : She is a girl. Did you kill her?
Ishamael : Fool, of course not. Even I cannot kill a main character. Didn’t Aginor prove that point to you?
Rand : I guess. I’m going to take the sword.
Ishamael : Wha … no … it’s a fake.
Rand : Yeh right. You just don’t want me to kick your ass.
Ishamael : Think of it Lews Therin, a battle among titans. Two colossal champions unaided battling. A glorious battle. A battle to be remembered. The winner will be the true victor.
Rand : *takes sword* Actually I’ll just sa’angreal your butt.
Ishamael *flees and tries to balefire Rand… balefire parts on sword* You can’t deflect balefire!
Creator : Now he can.
Ishamael : Who the f**k was that?
Creator : *snickers*
Dark One : You’re not playing fair, Larry.
Creator : Don’t start, Pete. You cheat way more … or are we forgetting that small little present you attached to saidin?
Dark One : I … uh … it was reflex. I couldn’t help myself.
Creator : Let’s just watch. Haven’t had a good fight since Paaren Disen 450 BB.
Dark One : Yeh, that was a great one. Cool action scenes.
Ishamael : I can’t be defeated. Aid me!
Dark One : I’ve been doing that for half an hour! I have limits too *weeps*
Rand : *cuts off Ishamael*
Dark One : Ishy!
Ishamael : Daddy!
Creator : Lol.
Rand : I hate the Power. Hate it!
Creator : *mumbles*
Lanfear
Rand : Selene, what are you doing here?
Lanfear : I am Lanfear.
Rand : Whatever. I admit that I find it weird that you can disappear from places, that you can speak the Old Tongue, know ancient knowledge, dress in White, can use Portal Stones and perform miraculous events… but I don’t think that’s real proof.
Lanfear : *changes* What do you think? Am I hot?
Rand : You are hot. I’m not sure if this is real evidence that you can channel.
Lanfear : What about the shield on you?
Rand : Could have been Moiraine practicing on me again.
Lanfear : er..
Rand : Just a moment babe, I just want to clean that Crystal Sword
Lanfear : Oh ok … no wait … I nearly fell for that one. Good one. You were always diabolically clever.
Rand : You too Mierin. I love that way you punched Sarelle Sedai five years before I was raised Tamyrlin.
Lanfear : wha…
Rand : I mean … I am Rand al’Thor.
Lanfear : Of course you are. You have obviously been reading things. Yes, that’s it. Asmodean must have been telling you things about me.
Rand : Asmodean? What?
Lanfear : I … uh … nothing. So what now … are you going to try and kill me? Or bed me?
Rand : Hmm… tough one. No really. I can’t decide. Actually I think I’ll fight you – it makes much more sense to try and kill the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, rather than bed her.
Lanfear : If you’ve been reincarnated gay I’m going to be really upset *draws on saidar*
Rand : Uh … no I love women. Love them. It was just this one time during Bel Tine with Wil, and I was only experimenting. I swear.
Lanfear : Sort of like me and Mesaana sometimes. I believe you, Lews Therin.
Rand : I am Rand al’Thor
Lanfear : You’re so young and already you’ve earned your third name. You will be great indeed.
Rand : Uh …
Lanfear : I’ll return at a later stage with a gateway my love. Remember me, and think of bedding me and not killing me.
Rand : I will try but it won’t be easy. Min, Aviendha and Elayne drive me up the wall and I’d rather go for less attractive prissy women, than an accomplished demigod such as yourself.
Lanfear : Uh … ok. I’ll be back when you’ve reconsidered.