Forsaken tea party : CoT
by sidious
It has been two days since the Forsaken attempted to disrupt the Cleansing of Saidin. Moridin has summoned the remaining chosen to an secret location by providing the gateway co-ordinates to those involved. Everyone is seated in a circle, with Moridin pacing up and down in the middle.
Moridin : The Nae’blis commanded you, and you have come.
Demandred : Why do you always speak in the third person? It’s so irritating.
Graendal : Graendal thinks Demandred is a fool.
Demandred : Silence yourself, wench!
Moridin : Silence. The Nae’blis commands silence.
Demandred : *mumbles*
Moridin : You are all here today to report back on your efforts at the Shadar Logoth. No, don’t bother Moghedien. I know you all failed and I know you all appeared as commanded. Except for Mesaana who is still begging for death.
Graendal : You can’t treat us like that. We are the Chosen!
Moridin : What do you think of that Cyndane?
Cyndane : You are wrong, Graendal. If Moridin wants to beat me like a little girl and dress me up in pigtails …
Moridin : That’s enough Cyndane. They need to get the message, not the details.
Moghedien : We tried our best.
Demandred : From you Moghedien, that probably means you hid behind a hill and struck with lightning. Am I wrong?
Moghedien : No. But you know that I rarely come out into the open. I’m elusive and never take part in direct conflict. Except against Nynaeve al’Meara, and Birgitte, and Elayne… and Rahvin.
All : Rahvin?!
Moghedien : Me? No!
Graendal : Let’s leave Moghedien to consolidate her thoughts. Speaking of conflict…Demandred, I heard you were soundly defeated and ran away like a small girl with a splinter in her toe.
Demandred : Well you should see the other guys … a circle of 72, all with sa’angreals. It was nasty.
Aran’gar : That’s not what I heard. I heard there were three channelers … two girls and an old man … UNAIDED!
All : *laughing*
Aran’gar : Which one defeated you, Demandred? Was it the girl or the old man?
All : *raucous laughter*
Demandred : Shut up all of you. I won’t be laughed at. I am the greatest who ever lived. Do you hear me? I’ll kill all of you. What did you accomplish, you bursting tart?
Aran’gar : I killed an Ash’aman and severely injured an Aes Sedai. I also struck at the hilltop several times before Callandor came after me.
Semirhage : Yes, Callandor was inconvenient.
Cyndane : I never saw you there.
Demandred : Neither did I.
Moghedien : Neither did I.
Semirhage : Neither did I. But apparently I was there.
Moridin : And you never even had a PoV. It seems odd. And apparently you weren’t there Graendal.
Graendal : I was, and I have the scars to prove it.
Semirhage : My last real appearance was in book 6, so I don’t know what the hell is going on.
Cyndane : No doubt you’ll play a larger role in book 11.
Demandred : What the hell?! What are you talking about? Books? Chapters? Is there something I don’t know about here?
All : Uh … no … not at all.
Aran’gar : Did Osan’gar die again?
Moridin : Yes, he was incinerated.
Cyndane : I miss Rahvin. How could he get himself killed again?
Semirhage : Osan’gar was Aginor, not Rahvin. Don’t you keep track of these things?
Cyndane : Yeh right, and I suppose I’m not Graendal.
Graendal : I’m Graendal you bimbo. Moridin, these reincarnations are causing problems with identity. We need an alternative.
Moridin : There is no alternative Graendal. Don’t die. Isn’t that good advice? I mean, what do you want me to do? Aginor burned himself to ash at the Eye of the World. I can’t exactly put him in ash for a body … or a farm animal.
Aran’gar : Strange that your ethics stopped before the gender line.
Moridin : I can explain that.
Aran’gar : Never mind. I’m comfortable being a woman now.
Demandred : Ha! I knew you were gay before you died. You owe me ten Semirhage.
Semirhage : Shit.
Aran’gar : I am not gay, but I can’t ignore these wild pulses of oestrogen rushing
through my body.
Semirhage : Stop. You’re exciting me.
Aran’gar : You should feel it Demandred. It’s like being born again.
Semirhage : No. Really. You need to stop. In any case, that means I win, Demandred. You owe me ten.
Demandred : I refuse to pay. I am the greatest who ever lived.
Semirhage : Then you must be purified by pain.
Graendal : I think I speak for all of us, Semirhage, when I say that we are all sick of your one tracked sadistic mind. It irritated the hell out of me in the War of Power, and it irritates me now… and others too.
*everyone murmurs agreement*
Semirhage : You know, I don’t ask much. I sit her doing my given hobby … embroidery! … and I remain calm all day. However, I have one goddamn characteristic which makes me unique in the series… so I’m going to draw it out to the full! Does anyone have a problem with that?!
*silence*
Moridin : On to the topic at hand. The world has changed. Much was lost during the Breaking, … and if we…
Moghedien : Yeh … I miss Burger King.
Cyndane : I miss Versace.
Aran’gar : I miss porn.
Demandred : I miss my yo-yo.
Moridin : Silence! The generals of the Shadow indeed! What are we going to do to capture Rand al’Thor?
Demandred : I’m sick of you and your trash, Moridin. Can we kill him? He’s killed most of us, some more than once!
Moridin : The Nar’blis won’t accept dissent, Demandred. Go and stand in the corner and Semirhage will tell you what I have decided.
Demandred : I will still hear if I stand in the corner you imbecile! This is the trash that I’m speaking about.
Moridin : My decision stands. Go.
*Demandred goes and stands in the corner*
Moridin : My first order is for you to tell your darkfriends not to kill us. Aginor was killed by Elza Penfall wielding the crystal sword. That might be have been an advantage on our side, wouldn’t you all agree?
*everyone mumbles*
Graendal : I have a plan. May I suggest it Moridin?
Moridin : Please do.
Graendal : I will link with Cyndane, Demandred and Aran’gar and kill everyone in the White Tower. We will steal all the angreal and sa’angreal. We will then all link into one large circle with lots of angreal and sa’angreal with you leading us. In one blow we will kill Rand a’Thor and all his allies who are in the Tairen Palace at this moment.
Moridin : Your plan is well thought out, but too well balanced for entertaining reading… and it removes the aura of incompetence which surrounds the Chosen – which is obviously unacceptable. My plan is therefore as follows … you will all carry on with your separate plans. Moghedien will go for Rand al’Thor.
Moghedien : But … I …
Moridin : And it must be a frontal attack, Moghedien. Strength against strength … I will be watching. And I want him captured and shielded, not harmed in any way.
Moghedien : But… but…
Moridin : The rest of you will link and form a circle. You will then kill Elza for her insubordination. It must be a cloaked attack, using as little of the Power as possible. You must also use illusion and raid the Palace disguised as giant marshmallows. The Nae’blis has spoken.
Everyone : Yes, Naeblis.
Moridin : The meeting is over. You are all dismissed. Oh.. and Semirhage, tell Demandred about the plan.
Demandred : I heard everything, you loser. I’m right here.
Moridin : *sigh*