Forsaken tea party : post-KoD
by sidious

 

This tea party follows on six weeks after the previous tea party I described in CoT. Events have changed, and the remaining Chosen have gathered in Tel’aran’rhiod. They are sitting in a circle filled with chairs. Some chairs are empty.

Moridin : Ah. You have all arrived. The Nae’blis is pleased.

Demandred : Damn, that is becoming irritating.

Moridin : Demandred, the rules are simple. The man in black with the saa in his eyes is Mr Big. He gets to speak, and the other little Chosen listen. Now either act your age, or go and stand in the corner again.

Demandred : I am never standing in the corner again. Do you hear me? Never. That was the most humiliating experience of my life.

Aran’gar : What about…

Demandred : Demandred has a suggestion too. Let the men talk, honey pie, and let the men talk big talk.

Mesaana : Honey pie? That’s what you used to call me, Barid! I thought I was special. You told me I was the one.

Demandred : You were one. Out of many.

Aran’gar : Pig!

Demandred : Bold words from the former lecher who bedded almost every female species in the southern districts, and was then torn from his fungus-filled body and placed in a voluptuous borderland carcass!

Moridin : Normally that would be an odd statement, but after years being surrounded by you people, nothing surprises me.

Moghedien : I have a boyfriend.

Moridin : Ok… some things surprise me.

Graendal : That feels so good Aran’gar. Don’t stop. Mmmm…

Demandred : If you two want to fondle one another, get a room!

…….. moments later ……

Demandred : Don’t make this place into a room! Take us back to our circle of chairs!

……... moments later ……

Demandred : Oh for Pete’s sake. A Hell in Tanchico! Who’s doing this? And why am I dressed like a Viking?

Aran’gar : I told you I’m not very good with Tel’aran’rhiod, Demandred, so give me a break. Let me concentrate. Concentrate girl… yes… think of one image at a time. Remember your concentration classes… You want to be in the circle of chairs, not wrapped in Demandred’s strong arms.

……… Tel’aran’rhiod bends again…….

Demandred : Finally. Oh …. Great ….. Lord. I’m going to count to ten and I want some clothes, and these handcuffs gone. I mean it. Do you see my streith stockings turning red? See… they’re turning red.

Moridin : The Nae’blis will rescue the doomed Chosen situation. There. Onto some actual issues. Sammael has reappeared.

Graendal : Impossible. Sammael is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. He’s as dead as when I killed Asmodean. Yip that was me. Graendal killed Asmodean. Ahem… GRAENDAL killed Asmodean.

Cyndane : Shut up Miss Popular. You already got a sweetie for that.

Moridin : Well I saw a blond man with a stocky gait walking around near the Ways.

Demandred : … and?!

Moridin : And what?

Demandred : You saw a blond man, and you assume it’s Sammael?!!! What the hell is wrong with you?

Cyndane : You were always different Demandred. You always resisted the mould of Forsaken incompetence. It was never good enough for you. You always wanted to be competent. Power and stupidity were never enough. It makes me sick.

Moridin : I agree. You’re a white sheep among us black ones, Barid. Sometimes I don’t think you have the balls to do this job.

Cyndane : In my experience, that’s all he ever thinks with.

Demandred : Sticks and stones my friends…

Graendal : I agree with them, Demandred. Either learn to be a real Forsaken, or find another job. Moridin, did he have a scar on his face?

Moridin : No, and his nose was bigger, and his mouth was wider. And his skin was darker. And he had no beard.

Cyndane : It was probably an inverted reversed illusion changing his appearance.

Graendal : That’s good enough for me.

Aran’gar : Me too.

All : Me too.

Demandred : Me….. *sigh* …. Too.

All : Woohoo!

Moridin : Ok, now that we’re all unanimous, I have a plan. We send Moghedien to track down this Sammael guy.

Moghedien : But I challenged Rand al’Thor. I want a break!

Moridin : You didn’t read the small print. You were supposed to survive against him for more than ten seconds, but he made a ham sandwich out of you. I even had to rescue you.

Moghedien : You had to rescue me because I have a goddamn parasite on my goddamn soul causing me to gasp like a goddamn asthma patient.

Moridin : You are upset?

Moghedien : No. I enjoy being a total slave, my very independence stripped down to levels which encompass other dimensions. It what I always wanted in the War of Power.

Moridin : Ok.

Demandred : Maybe you shouldn’t have sent the weakest and most pathetic Chosen to face the strongest channeler in the world. I’m sure my boot would have done a better job.

Moghedien : Yes! Listen to Demandred.

Demandred : er…

Moridin : Silence. The Nae’blis commands silence. My plan is this, and it will be undertaken by Moghedien as I have commanded from my seat of Power, my glory transcending down to your level.

Graendal : *cough* bullshit *cough*

Moridin : I’m really proud of this idea. I thought of it last night. We’ll shield Moghedien. Then we send her in an illusion making her look like Ilyena, except with a big sign saying “trailer trash” hanging from her neck. When she comes across Rand al’Thor, his backlash will draw out the Sammael imposter.

All : Oooooo….

Moridin : Thank you. Thank you. It is one of my more inspired ideas, and it scores a massive 9.6 on our incompetence scale.

Graendal : No way! That beats Be’lal! I can’t believe it!

Moridin : Kudos to me.

Demandred : Yeh. Even I have to admit that is pretty cool. But I only score 7.2 for that plot.

Moridin : Ah, but here is the catch. When Rand al”Thor attacks Moghedien I will unravel the Illusion and she will stand there shielded. A big sign will descend from the Heavens saying “I am a Forsaken” and hundreds of fiery arrows will point at her.

Demandred : Woh…… that is ultra-cool.

Moghedien : Yeh. It’s going to be awesome.

Graendal : I’m jealous. Can’t I take part, Moridin?

Moridin : Next time, Graendal. I have a plan involving Lord Bashere, a hamster and a thong which I can’t wait to reveal to you. You’re going to love it. On another front, Semirhage has been captured.

All : *gasp*

Moridin : She attacked Rand al’Thor and his five Forsaken strength channelers with angreal using only inept sul’dam and damane. When threatened she used a single fireball, and was shielded in seconds.

Mesaana : Cool. What’s that… an… 8.2?

Moridin : 8.5 actually.

All : damn!

Moridin : I know. I know. You guys are becoming good.

Aran’gar : Moridin, who are the other chairs for?

Moridin : One is for Aginor who is either dead or on a sabbatical. Either way, I can’t find the nerd, but I can’t remove his chair without losing face. The other belongs to a mystery Forsaken who will be revealed with time.

Mesaana : Rahvin?

Graendal : Rahvin was balefired. He’s toast. Sammael is toast too. I’m a tart, and most of us could provide a decent brunch. My bet is on Mazrim Taim.

Moridin : The untrained child? Ha ha. Cyndane and Moghedien… laugh at the untrained male channeler.

Cyndane and Moghedien : Moo-haa-haa. Moo-haa-haa. Moo-haa-haa. Moo-

Moridin : Enough. Overall I think we should be congratulated. Our position is even weaker than before. As a reward my Zomara will provide you all with vouchers for Tiffany’s. Use them well.

Demandred : And where are we supposed to find a Tiffany’s in this hellhole of an Age?

Moridin : I found one in a stasis box. You can either visit me there and use mine, or wait for the Dark Lord breaks free. He has assured me that his new Creation will have a Tiffany’s.

Moghedien, Mesaana, Cyndane, Graendal : Go Great Lord. Yeh!

Demandred : Ok. Is this meeting over? I have to catch a Jo-Car to Paaren Disen. I’m attending a charity ball at the Ansaline Gardens.

Moridin : Er…

Graendal : Your practiced excuse for getting out of situations doesn’t work anymore, Demandred.

Demandred : It works if I say it works Graendal. I am the greatest who ever lived, remember? Now, I’ll be in Tzora inspecting the Fusion Plant if you need me. My cell phone is always on.

Graendal : *sigh*

Moridin : Until then, go in negligence, and spread the Shadow.

All : yes Nae’blis.

Back to index