It is well known that Mesaana was put in charge of schooling and education in the Shadow territories. She’s a bit of a loser though. So … how did she get to the top of the education system in the Dark Territories? The truth is that the others tried, but it didn’t go so well…
Demandred
Demandred : I am your new teacher, the Great Master Demandred.
Student 1 : We don’t want you as a teacher.
Demandred : You don’t have a choice, you impudent worm.
Student 2 : My father paid a fortune for me to attend this Shadow school. Imagine what will happen when he discovers that I’m being taught by a second rate teacher.
Demandred : What do you mean second rate?
Student 1 : We want Lews Therin to teach us, not his shadow.
Demandred : He isn’t even one of the Chosen, you moron. He’ll teach you ‘good stuff’.
Student 2 : Well then we want Ishamael to teach us, not his shadow.
Demandred : Listen to me you little…
Student 3 : We’re leaving. This school’s going to hell.
Demandred :
… 
… sit down! Do you hear me? Sit down! Do you know who I am?Student 4 : I’ve never heard of you.
Student 5 : Neither have I.
Demandred :
Aginor
Aginor : I am your new teacher, Aginor.
Student : Sir…?
Aginor : You may ask questions when the lesson is complete.
Student : Yes sir.
Aginor : The lesson today will cover the topic of Trollocs.
Students : Cool.
Aginor : The Trolloc was one of my first creations. They are mixed and recombined human-bovine hybrids. Fusing their alleles and preventing a recombinant DNA protein synthesis imbalance was a challenge, but my primary recollection of this unfortunate obstacle was to remember that only by substituting Tyrosine with Guanine, could any hope be salvaged from the tenuous catastrophe. Thereafter, overcoming another host of transcription anomalies proved to be inconvenient at best, due to the fact that I subsumed the focus of the problem to be cytochromic imbalance rather than an actual connective tissue crisis. Thus we come to the point where the Trolloc was a successful life form. Any questions?
Students :
Aginor : Well?!
Student 1 : Sir, we’re only 8 years old...
Aginor : Which is why I held back. There will be an exam tomorrow on this work, and not the abbreviated summary I provided, but the real core material which I addressed. Class dismissed.
Lanfear
Lanfear : I’m your new teacher.
Students :
Male students :
Lanfear : What? You there, stop that.
Male students :
Lanfear : What is wrong with them?
Female students : They want to make out with you.
Lanfear : Well they can’t. Now, I’ll teach you girls then.
Female students : You can’t.
Lanfear : What not?!
Female students : We want to make out with you too
Rahvin
Rahvin : I’m your new teacher.
Female students :
Rahvin : Okaaay…. Umm……
Male students : Just get out. You’re stealing all the chicks. Get out… get out… get out….! We won’t ask again, we’ll just beat you up. Now get out!
Semirhage
Semirhage : I am your new teacher. When you sit down, I only want to hear one synchronous sound as all your buttocks hit the chair at the same time. Those who are out of sync, will be punished.
Students : *sit in unison*
Student 1 : Oh my god! Who is that student pinned to the blackboard?
Semirhage : That is Timmy. He thought he was superior to me. Didn’t you Timmy?
Timmy : Please make the pain stop! Please, it’s too much! Pleaaaaase!!!
Semirhage : Do you still defy me?
Timmy : No Great Mistress. I yearn to obey!!!
Semirhage : You yearn to obey? Hmm… another 48 hours to add to the previous 96 hours of punishment should teach you that nobody, and I mean nobody, comes to this class without an eraser.
Timmy : Nooooo!!!
Semirhage : Mwah-ha-ha! MWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!!
Moghedien
Student 1 : Ma’am why are you crying?
Moghedien : It’s nothing, I’ve just had a really bad day, and this extra added stress was the straw which broke the camel’s back.
Student 2 : But ma’am…
Moghedien : I can’t take all this stress. Do you understand me? I can’t take it!
Student 2 : But ma’am, we can easily arrange more chalk for you to write with. It isn’t that bad if it’s finished.
Moghedien : I guess… it’s just that I really wanted to write something … and now… and now… I can’t.
Students :
Graendal
Graendal : What class is this?
Students : Mathematics, Great Mistress.
Graendal : very well… you can see the sum on the board… X + 2 = 30
Student 1 : I know the answer!
Graendal : Notice how the X symbolizes the untouchable, the erotic. Notice the sensual curves of the 2 and the voluptuous bosom which the 3 boasts to this whole room. Only the zero looks truly innocent, but it thinks we are fools. The zero is as loose and promiscuous as its peers, a poser… a fraud.
Student 2 : Uh…
Graendal : That is all. You there, stay behind… and you… and you… I have extra lessons for you three.
Sammael
Sammael : What the hell class is this?
Student 1 : Sir, on behalf of the class I would like to… *is decapitated*
Sammael : Anyone else think I’m a nancy boy?
Students :
Ishamael
Ishamael : I’m here to teach you philosophy.
Students :
Ishamael : Someone open the floor.
Students :
Ishamael : *sigh* What is it? It’s the eyes which bug you, isn’t it?
Students :
Ishamael : Surely not the cloak or fiery shadows?
Students :
Ishamael : You know, you all look pretty vacant and stupid when you stare like that.
Students :
Ishamael :
Students :
Ishamael : Oh for pete’s sake… class dismissed.